Walk away

Sometimes things are better left unsaid. I used to always want to talk about everything, discuss the hell out of situations that really needed no explanation at all, but instead of admitting that to myself, I thought that by talking about them, things would get resolved. Not always the case. Some things are better left unsaid.

There was a moment in my life I am very proud of to this day, although it happened almost 3 years ago. That's when I realized that some things should not be said. When I was hurt so deeply by someone I cared about - by simple words, on the phone, words I never expected to hear - and he wanted to talk and talk maybe to make himself feel better in the end. Against my most basic instincts, I was able to tell him to stop talking and to get out of my life and to never talk to me again. I didn't scream and didn't curse and didn't tell him what a piece of shit he was. No, I just told him to get out of my life. But he just wanted to talk, he said I was "such a great person" but all that had happened between us, the intimacy, the attraction, chemistry, he said those didn't mean anything to him. He just wanted to talk to me. He must not have realized how serious I was when I told him to get out of my life. He called the next day. After the un-returned call, he respected my wish and still to this day, we haven't spoken. And still when I think back to that night, I am proud.

It's hard to walk away. It's a little easier when the person you need to walk away from is in California and not across the hallway. It's a new challenge every time, might be tougher but I'll get through it and will come out on the other end tougher and stronger and with a thicker skin and maybe next time around I will be more careful with giving too much of myself. Or do I ever really learn?