Most people want to see New York at least once in their lives. When I talk to people who either moved here from somewhere else or visit, I always find that most of us have a sort of mystical picture painted in our minds of the city. I am no different. Before I moved here, I always thought of NYC as very different from other cities and as having some special vibe that makes it so magical. After 3 years of being here, I have gotten used to the idea but still, every once in a while - this usually happens either while I am running through Central Park with the skyline in front of me, or when I am on a crosstown bus at night, looking out the window at the park with all the lights of the city in the background - I get the overwhelming sense that I am somehow in the middle of the world, in a very special place. In those moments, I really appreciate life and my living in this city.
To get back to my original thought though, so many people come to New York. Even if they don't like the crowds and craziness, I think most people want to experience it at least once. Recently I have been meeting more people who are either visiting or have moved here from somewhere else, and they are always such interesting encounters. This week, I have 2 visitors from Germany staying at my apartment - they are friends of a really good friend, and I agreed to put them up for their visit, since I know how difficult and expensive it is to find accommodation in the city. They've both been loving the experience so far, but it's interesting that one of them is very into visiting all the usual hot spots - take the ferry to the Statue of Liberty, walking across the Brooklyn bridge, going to the famous Grimaldi's pizzeria in Brooklyn - the other one thinks it's silly to stand in line outside in the cold for hours just to be able to walk on the same island as the statue stands on, or to just taste a slice of the pizza that everyone raves about.
I also met a couple who are visiting NYC for the first time from Hungary. They made a list of things they wanted to see, based on movies that were filmed here and had typical "New York moments" - such as kissing on new year's eve on Times Sq. as the ball drops, waving from the Staten Island ferry, ice skating in front of Rockefeller Center, walking across a bridge in Central Park, and the list goes on forever, considering that NY is probably one of the most frequent locations for movies.
When I think about encounters in New York, I also think about the amazing diversity of people who live here. It must be the most diverse city in the world. (I think the most diverse block in the world is in Astoria, Queens.) Even though a lot of groups retain their own cultural identities partly by living in neighborhoods like Chinatown, Koreatown, Little Italy, and so on; inevitably, our paths will cross and every time that happens, we learn something and become a little richer and hopefully a little more open.
Last weekend my fencing coach from Northwestern invited me to dinner with his wife's Chinese family. They are from New Jersey - her parents moved here from China, so they are still pretty traditional, don't speak much English and always eat in Chinese restaurants in Chinatown. It was a very interesting experience: not that I'd never eaten in Chinatown before, but never with a huge Chinese family. My coach is actually Japanese and doesn't speak Chinese either, but it was interesting to see the dynamics in their family. They were so friendly and welcoming to me, someone who's just an ex-student of one of their in-laws. The head of the family, it seemed to me, was the Mom, and she told her daughter to take care of me, as the newcomer. This included showing me how to eat snails (you need a toothpick to get the creatures out of their shells, and while they do not look at all appetizing, they taste quite good), keep pouring me wine, etc. At the end of dinner, she came up to me and held my hand and told me in her broken English how glad she was that I joined them for dinner. I was very moved.
I have been having such heartwarming experiences and encounters with people lately, it's starting to restore my faith in humanity and in New York a little bit. Maybe it's not as unfriendly a city as it sometimes seems; even if you have to go to Chinatown or New Jersey sometimes, there are plenty of warm and open people if you look hard enough.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Invisible strings
I am beginning to think that it wasn't such a bad decision to stay in NYC for the holidays. It is a little lonelier than usual, but so far I have had a wonderful time: the weather is spring-like, I am catching up on some work (not so wonderful to be in lab, but I did take 4 entire days off, which is a record for the past few months!), on reading (finishing The Master and Margarita, another book club choice that didn't get picked, sadly, because I am absolutely loving it), catching up with some friends. I even went to fence for the first time since the early summer - as a consequence, I can hardly walk or hold a pen today, but it felt great, other than realizing once again how much worse I had gotten since the time I was still competing.
It was probably not the smartest idea to start with fencing the new star of American fencing as my first bout back after 6 months. This girl has won all national and most international events in juniors for some time now, and she is only 16 and is on a whole different level of fencing (than myself and most other people at the club too) so after that first bout I almost gave up and went home. But then things got a little better and I ended up having a lot of fun and seems to have worked out a deal with the new manager of the club in terms of going to fence every once in a while without having to pay 100s of dollars in membership fees.
Once again, I can feel the invisible strings of fencing pulling me back into it. After months of not picking up a foil, I start having a sort of craving or anxiety that only goes away once I get to the gym, suit up and start fencing. It doesn't matter whether I win or lose, even whether I can score any touches, it's just a part of my life I cannot let go - yet, at least - and maybe I shouldn't.
I found this old picture from years ago, back when I could lunge this deep; I am the one with my back to the camera.
It was probably not the smartest idea to start with fencing the new star of American fencing as my first bout back after 6 months. This girl has won all national and most international events in juniors for some time now, and she is only 16 and is on a whole different level of fencing (than myself and most other people at the club too) so after that first bout I almost gave up and went home. But then things got a little better and I ended up having a lot of fun and seems to have worked out a deal with the new manager of the club in terms of going to fence every once in a while without having to pay 100s of dollars in membership fees.
Once again, I can feel the invisible strings of fencing pulling me back into it. After months of not picking up a foil, I start having a sort of craving or anxiety that only goes away once I get to the gym, suit up and start fencing. It doesn't matter whether I win or lose, even whether I can score any touches, it's just a part of my life I cannot let go - yet, at least - and maybe I shouldn't.
I found this old picture from years ago, back when I could lunge this deep; I am the one with my back to the camera.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Histories
After spending a wonderful Christmas Eve with the Nenchecks in New Jersey, I made my way back to the city in the morning. New York was pretty deserted today, but life does not ever stop in the city that never sleeps: many stores, restaurants, cafes were still open today. I was invited to lunch at a Hungarian friend, Kata's, place. She lives with her great-aunt who had moved to NY from Hungary after WWII, more than 60 years ago. It was quite a different experience from last night's party with over 30 people: it was just the three of us having a quiet lunch and dessert, and sharing an amazing bottle of Tokaji Aszu (5 Puttonyos), the famous dessert white wine from the Tokaj region of Hungary. It was so delicious but a bit sweet and I got quite buzzed at about 2 in the afternoon. After lunch, some old pictures made their way from a drawer to the table: some from the 1930's Hungary, then NYC in the 50's, 60's, and so on. Most pictures were taken in Central Park, Kata's aunt's favorite place in NYC, as well as mine.
I came home and started looking at old pictures too. I don't have too many but my most precious one is my Grandparents' wedding picture from 1942, which I got from my Grandma as a tiny little picture in a fragile frame a few years ago. I took it to a photo store here and they managed to make an enlarged copy of very similar quality and put it in a well suiting antique-looking frame. They both, but particularly my Grandma - my Babi - look so gorgeous in the picture! It's right near the door to my room, I see it every time I come home; one of the best parts of coming home.
Pictures, memories, holidays, family, home... wonderful to spend an afternoon thinking and talking about them. Are we who we are because of who our parents are? Because of where we grow up? Because of the people we meet along the way who influence us? I think it's a very complicated combination of all those things, and something more as well. There are our genes that were passed down to us by our parents and before them, our grandparents and so on. But I feel like there is something more than just the genes and the bringing up and the many lessons we get from our parents. There is history too: of the people, the family, the country, the collective experiences of the people who surround us. Just like history repeats itself inevitably, these experiences are passed down and are somehow almost written into our genomes. They are customs, patterns, events, personalities, feelings.
One of the few things I certainly know about myself is that I am an adventurer. I could never be in one place for very long without the feeling that I wanted to experience something new, I was never very scared of the unknown and of taking chances. When I think about my family history, I realize that this is something that was passed down to me, maybe in the forms of genes or in experiences. I don't know much about my ancestors beyond my Grandparents, but my Grandma on my Mom's side has one of the most exciting and adventurous stories I have ever heard of. In 1944, just a couple of years after she married my Grandfather, he was sent to Germany to fight in the war (Hungary was on the German side). It was also towards the end of the war, and the Soviets were approaching from the East, which is where the village my Grandparents lived in was. Instead of waiting to see what would happen, she - already pregnant with my Mom - and others from her village got on a carriage and then on trains and somehow made their way all the way to Frankfurt, Germany (nearly 600 miles away), where my Mom was born in February of 1945. Miraculously they were reunited with my Grandfather who was in an American prisoner-of-war camp. Everyone ended up safely returning to their village, which I think it's a smaller miracle as well. I wish I was more interested in knowing more about this story when I was younger and when my Grandma could still remember well. If I had more inclination towards writing then, I could have written down her story, which I am sure would make an exciting Hollywood movie too.
My Mom was surely affected by all that happened during that time: even in utero, I am sure that babies experience a lot of what is happening to the mother. She became an adventurer as well: right after high school, she studied in Moscow for 5 years during the 60's, which was not the best time to be in Moscow. She later spent more time abroad on scholarships, even in places where she didn't speak the language at first, like Sweden.
The genes and experiences I got from my Mom's side of the family then got combined with those from my Dad's side, that are equally adventurous. My Grandparents, along with my Father and Uncle, had gone through - against their will - a lot of difficult experiences during WWII. My brother left Hungary to live abroad as soon as he was old enough to do so. My cousin decided to go to high school in Israel when he was 14, and only after serving his time in the military there - no easy feat - decided to move back home.
Histories affect us in other ways too, like how we deal with other people, what kinds of relationships we end up having. Children of divorced parents often end up in relationships that are not meant to be from the beginning and end up divorcing themselves. People who had lots of drama in their marriage will pass that on to their children who will then crave drama in their relationships with others. Maybe even things that happen before we are born somehow get included in these histories. An affair that breaks up one family but results in another one and in a child that would have never been born without the affair. Will that affect the way that child grows up to think about relationships? Will that child be more likely to experience something similar later on in life?
Who knows really? But I think that the important thing is that we realize that who we are is shaped by an endless number of people and experiences. I find that living life more consciously - in terms of noticing patterns and repetitions of histories - can make us better and more thoughtful people overall. And maybe by learning something new and adding that to the overall experience will mean that we can pass something a little better down to people we meet and influence along the way.
I came home and started looking at old pictures too. I don't have too many but my most precious one is my Grandparents' wedding picture from 1942, which I got from my Grandma as a tiny little picture in a fragile frame a few years ago. I took it to a photo store here and they managed to make an enlarged copy of very similar quality and put it in a well suiting antique-looking frame. They both, but particularly my Grandma - my Babi - look so gorgeous in the picture! It's right near the door to my room, I see it every time I come home; one of the best parts of coming home.
Pictures, memories, holidays, family, home... wonderful to spend an afternoon thinking and talking about them. Are we who we are because of who our parents are? Because of where we grow up? Because of the people we meet along the way who influence us? I think it's a very complicated combination of all those things, and something more as well. There are our genes that were passed down to us by our parents and before them, our grandparents and so on. But I feel like there is something more than just the genes and the bringing up and the many lessons we get from our parents. There is history too: of the people, the family, the country, the collective experiences of the people who surround us. Just like history repeats itself inevitably, these experiences are passed down and are somehow almost written into our genomes. They are customs, patterns, events, personalities, feelings.
One of the few things I certainly know about myself is that I am an adventurer. I could never be in one place for very long without the feeling that I wanted to experience something new, I was never very scared of the unknown and of taking chances. When I think about my family history, I realize that this is something that was passed down to me, maybe in the forms of genes or in experiences. I don't know much about my ancestors beyond my Grandparents, but my Grandma on my Mom's side has one of the most exciting and adventurous stories I have ever heard of. In 1944, just a couple of years after she married my Grandfather, he was sent to Germany to fight in the war (Hungary was on the German side). It was also towards the end of the war, and the Soviets were approaching from the East, which is where the village my Grandparents lived in was. Instead of waiting to see what would happen, she - already pregnant with my Mom - and others from her village got on a carriage and then on trains and somehow made their way all the way to Frankfurt, Germany (nearly 600 miles away), where my Mom was born in February of 1945. Miraculously they were reunited with my Grandfather who was in an American prisoner-of-war camp. Everyone ended up safely returning to their village, which I think it's a smaller miracle as well. I wish I was more interested in knowing more about this story when I was younger and when my Grandma could still remember well. If I had more inclination towards writing then, I could have written down her story, which I am sure would make an exciting Hollywood movie too.
My Mom was surely affected by all that happened during that time: even in utero, I am sure that babies experience a lot of what is happening to the mother. She became an adventurer as well: right after high school, she studied in Moscow for 5 years during the 60's, which was not the best time to be in Moscow. She later spent more time abroad on scholarships, even in places where she didn't speak the language at first, like Sweden.
The genes and experiences I got from my Mom's side of the family then got combined with those from my Dad's side, that are equally adventurous. My Grandparents, along with my Father and Uncle, had gone through - against their will - a lot of difficult experiences during WWII. My brother left Hungary to live abroad as soon as he was old enough to do so. My cousin decided to go to high school in Israel when he was 14, and only after serving his time in the military there - no easy feat - decided to move back home.
Histories affect us in other ways too, like how we deal with other people, what kinds of relationships we end up having. Children of divorced parents often end up in relationships that are not meant to be from the beginning and end up divorcing themselves. People who had lots of drama in their marriage will pass that on to their children who will then crave drama in their relationships with others. Maybe even things that happen before we are born somehow get included in these histories. An affair that breaks up one family but results in another one and in a child that would have never been born without the affair. Will that affect the way that child grows up to think about relationships? Will that child be more likely to experience something similar later on in life?
Who knows really? But I think that the important thing is that we realize that who we are is shaped by an endless number of people and experiences. I find that living life more consciously - in terms of noticing patterns and repetitions of histories - can make us better and more thoughtful people overall. And maybe by learning something new and adding that to the overall experience will mean that we can pass something a little better down to people we meet and influence along the way.
Italian Christmas Feast
After all the worrying about what my Christmas away from home was going to be like, it turned out wonderfully, thanks to my close friend Kelsey and her amazing family!
The day started out somewhat stressfully, with rushing to yoga and baking cookies, then getting a late start to the train station, facing the huge lines at the ticket machines, and jumping on the train with 20 seconds to spare before it left the station, later realizing that I had forgotten to take my return ticket from the machine - I didn't have to pay again thanks to the nice conductor who realized that I was clearly flustered.
I was shocked when Kelsey told me in the car from the train station to her house that there would be between 30 and 50 people at their holiday party. Apparently, this is the biggest annual event that her family hosts in their house, with their whole Italian side of the family and lots of friends attending every year. At the peak of the party, there were somewhere between 35 and 40 people there; it was impossible to count with everyone moving around. All of the food was homemade and traditionally all seafood, from tilapia through salmon and mussels to shrimp and clams and tuna. It was truly a feast!
Not only was the food all home-cooked and delicious, but the entire house was in festive Christmas decorations, all of which was done by Kelsey's Mom. She also had dishes, pots and pans, cups and all kinds of kitchenware specifically for the holiday, which was so cute and she seemed to have gotten presents for everyone who was at the party, even to her daughters' friends like myself, which is so nice and thoughtful!
Big big thanks to Kelsey and the Nenchecks for being so welcoming! The more time I spend away from home, the more I realize that family does not necessarily mean relation by blood; rather, it's the people we meet along the way in life who find a place in our hearts and who take care of us when we need it the most. Towards the end of the evening, it was difficult to hold the camera still, so we're a bit blurry, but here we are. Merry Christmas Everyone!
The day started out somewhat stressfully, with rushing to yoga and baking cookies, then getting a late start to the train station, facing the huge lines at the ticket machines, and jumping on the train with 20 seconds to spare before it left the station, later realizing that I had forgotten to take my return ticket from the machine - I didn't have to pay again thanks to the nice conductor who realized that I was clearly flustered.
I was shocked when Kelsey told me in the car from the train station to her house that there would be between 30 and 50 people at their holiday party. Apparently, this is the biggest annual event that her family hosts in their house, with their whole Italian side of the family and lots of friends attending every year. At the peak of the party, there were somewhere between 35 and 40 people there; it was impossible to count with everyone moving around. All of the food was homemade and traditionally all seafood, from tilapia through salmon and mussels to shrimp and clams and tuna. It was truly a feast!
Not only was the food all home-cooked and delicious, but the entire house was in festive Christmas decorations, all of which was done by Kelsey's Mom. She also had dishes, pots and pans, cups and all kinds of kitchenware specifically for the holiday, which was so cute and she seemed to have gotten presents for everyone who was at the party, even to her daughters' friends like myself, which is so nice and thoughtful!
Big big thanks to Kelsey and the Nenchecks for being so welcoming! The more time I spend away from home, the more I realize that family does not necessarily mean relation by blood; rather, it's the people we meet along the way in life who find a place in our hearts and who take care of us when we need it the most. Towards the end of the evening, it was difficult to hold the camera still, so we're a bit blurry, but here we are. Merry Christmas Everyone!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
The good leg and the bad leg
I couldn't avoid it any longer, as much as I had been trying to, today I had to go do my long run in sub zero temperatures. So far this winter, I had been very lucky with the weather in terms of my running schedule: most weekends there was at least one day with reasonable weather, no rain and temperatures well above freezing. This past weekend, we had 2 snow storms, some rain and then by Monday the temperatures plummeted to around -10C with a nasty wind. On Monday morning I was just unable to get out to run, I also had a long day planned in lab and wanted to go to yoga class in the evening, so I decided to push my long run back yet another day. I knew that if I didn't go out to do it today, it would be skipped. Tomorrow is the day of Christmas Eve and I have to get ready by the early afternoon to head out to New Jersey to my friend Kelsey's house for dinner. Also, if I want to do my next long run run around the weekend again, then I needed to get this out of the way to have at least 6 days to rest between them.
So I checked the weather forecast this morning: -1C as the high for the day, but perfectly sunny with no chance of rain or snow. For tomorrow, they forecasted rain and warmer weather. I would still rather run in cold dry weather than in the rain, so I piled on 4 layers (could barely move my arms), tried to warm up at home as much as I could, and headed out for my run. These days, I can't walk to the park as warming up, it's just too cold for that. I actually have to run faster until my hands and face stop feeling like they're about to fall off.
The goal for today was 12 miles (~19 km) which is 2 whole laps around Central Park. Usually I am nervous about the later parts of long runs, but I have recently realized that the first half is much worse than the second half. Knowing that I had just started and still have some 8 or 9 or 10 miles ahead of me is just a daunting thought, which is hard to forget about. What I love about these long runs is the meditative state that I sometimes - only happens on good days - manage to get into. I had no chance for this state of mind during the first lap: I was cold and struggling with the hills, doubting that I could even finish the one lap, and thinking to myself the whole time that the marathon was such a long shot and I would never be ready for it.
I took a break after the first lap, refueled, and started my second one in the opposite direction: maybe it's an optical illusion, but I think I like running counterclockwise more, maybe because the cars go that way too, maybe the hills are better positioned that way, I am not sure why. In any case, after stopping for about 5 minutes, I was freezing again, and had to do a pretty fast mile or so to warm myself, and then started feeling really great. I felt strong, light on my feet, I could speed up for the flats and downhills even if I was struggling with the hills, and ended up finishing in just under 2 hours. I didn't even stop until I got home to avoid getting cold again.
My leg is doing great; I have been stupidly ignoring my other leg though, and now that I have somehow realigned myself, I might be putting more of my weight on the "good" leg to protect the one that just healed. The result: my "good" leg is starting to give me some trouble. Oh, the balance, the balance!! When you think you have it, it seems to tip over to the other side! It's ok though, nothing like the full-blown shin splints I was having in my right leg. Now I know better too, and can hopefully prevent this from getting any worse. In any case, I need to take some days off and definitely at least a week before my next long run.
So I checked the weather forecast this morning: -1C as the high for the day, but perfectly sunny with no chance of rain or snow. For tomorrow, they forecasted rain and warmer weather. I would still rather run in cold dry weather than in the rain, so I piled on 4 layers (could barely move my arms), tried to warm up at home as much as I could, and headed out for my run. These days, I can't walk to the park as warming up, it's just too cold for that. I actually have to run faster until my hands and face stop feeling like they're about to fall off.
The goal for today was 12 miles (~19 km) which is 2 whole laps around Central Park. Usually I am nervous about the later parts of long runs, but I have recently realized that the first half is much worse than the second half. Knowing that I had just started and still have some 8 or 9 or 10 miles ahead of me is just a daunting thought, which is hard to forget about. What I love about these long runs is the meditative state that I sometimes - only happens on good days - manage to get into. I had no chance for this state of mind during the first lap: I was cold and struggling with the hills, doubting that I could even finish the one lap, and thinking to myself the whole time that the marathon was such a long shot and I would never be ready for it.
I took a break after the first lap, refueled, and started my second one in the opposite direction: maybe it's an optical illusion, but I think I like running counterclockwise more, maybe because the cars go that way too, maybe the hills are better positioned that way, I am not sure why. In any case, after stopping for about 5 minutes, I was freezing again, and had to do a pretty fast mile or so to warm myself, and then started feeling really great. I felt strong, light on my feet, I could speed up for the flats and downhills even if I was struggling with the hills, and ended up finishing in just under 2 hours. I didn't even stop until I got home to avoid getting cold again.
My leg is doing great; I have been stupidly ignoring my other leg though, and now that I have somehow realigned myself, I might be putting more of my weight on the "good" leg to protect the one that just healed. The result: my "good" leg is starting to give me some trouble. Oh, the balance, the balance!! When you think you have it, it seems to tip over to the other side! It's ok though, nothing like the full-blown shin splints I was having in my right leg. Now I know better too, and can hopefully prevent this from getting any worse. In any case, I need to take some days off and definitely at least a week before my next long run.
Scientific Obama
Not to neglect science:
How exciting that the president-elect is actually talking about science - he seems to genuinely care about the environment and the future of the country in terms of its competitiveness in science and technology. Kudos for picking Harold Varmus as one of his advisers! Varmus is a Nobel prize winner for the discovery of the cellular origin of retroviral oncogenes and the president of Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, where a lot of my friends and classmates work, across the street from Cornell. He is also the previous president of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), so he is someone who has experience with the politics of science. Finally it seems that people in Washington are paying attention to the issue and that Obama is surrounding himself with brilliant people who have experience in policy making. Hopefully this means that soon the situation with funding and opportunities for scientists will improve. Certainly, things cannot get any worse and I am excited to see how this new administration will deal with the issues.
How exciting that the president-elect is actually talking about science - he seems to genuinely care about the environment and the future of the country in terms of its competitiveness in science and technology. Kudos for picking Harold Varmus as one of his advisers! Varmus is a Nobel prize winner for the discovery of the cellular origin of retroviral oncogenes and the president of Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, where a lot of my friends and classmates work, across the street from Cornell. He is also the previous president of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), so he is someone who has experience with the politics of science. Finally it seems that people in Washington are paying attention to the issue and that Obama is surrounding himself with brilliant people who have experience in policy making. Hopefully this means that soon the situation with funding and opportunities for scientists will improve. Certainly, things cannot get any worse and I am excited to see how this new administration will deal with the issues.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Party ruins
Only the ruins remain now, and the memory of the time spent together with some of the people I love.
It's only a few days until Christmas and this year, I am not going home. As the holiday was drawing nearer and nearer, I could feel myself slipping a little deeper into a sort of sadness - not depression, just feeling a little blue. I just feel a bit lonelier this time and some days some tears even well up in my eyes just looking at happy families playing in the snow or a happy couple waking down the street holding hands.
Instead of dwelling on my "sad situation", I decided, that if I wasn't going home for Christmas, I will have my own celebration. SInce it's so close to the holiday, I didn't expect many people to come, but I guess the invitation to a traditional Hungarian "gulyas" dinner was too tempting for many to pass. I had 12 people other than me in my apartment, which is the most I have ever had over. It was tight but cozy and by all means, a success, at least I thought so. Nobody complained. I made 2 gigantic pots of gulyas, and only have maybe a half a portion left for lunch tomorrow. Most people went back for seconds, I guess that means that they liked it :) I was stressed about not having enough food for everyone or not being ready in time (had to go in to lab for a little while in the morning, and then really needed to run too) but everything worked out perfectly at the end - even the weird chocolate cookies turned out well, even though at one point, maybe an hour before people were supposed to come over, my entire kitchen was covered in gooey brown dough that was too sticky to make into balls, but somehow I managed to put them on the cookie sheets and baked them for half an hour instead of the suggested 14 minutes.
Some people are leaving for home tomorrow, others have to work, so everyone left pretty early; now that I have cleaned up most of the ruins, it seems like there was nobody in here today: always a little sad after the party when you're left alone at home with the mess and then just the emptiness. I am really happy though, it was a wonderful evening spent with some of my favorite people, and even though we are not related, and I am sad that I don't get to go home and spend the holiday with my parents and close relatives, on days like today, I feel like all the people I have become friends with here are family in a way.
I was so busy I even forgot to take pictures. I do have a really cute little Christmas tree though that I took pictures of. And I wanted to share a picture of the amazingly creative and delicious cupcakes that my friend and lab-mate, Janice made, along the theme of the holiday party last weekend.
Now I am exhausted. Time for sleep.
It's only a few days until Christmas and this year, I am not going home. As the holiday was drawing nearer and nearer, I could feel myself slipping a little deeper into a sort of sadness - not depression, just feeling a little blue. I just feel a bit lonelier this time and some days some tears even well up in my eyes just looking at happy families playing in the snow or a happy couple waking down the street holding hands.
Instead of dwelling on my "sad situation", I decided, that if I wasn't going home for Christmas, I will have my own celebration. SInce it's so close to the holiday, I didn't expect many people to come, but I guess the invitation to a traditional Hungarian "gulyas" dinner was too tempting for many to pass. I had 12 people other than me in my apartment, which is the most I have ever had over. It was tight but cozy and by all means, a success, at least I thought so. Nobody complained. I made 2 gigantic pots of gulyas, and only have maybe a half a portion left for lunch tomorrow. Most people went back for seconds, I guess that means that they liked it :) I was stressed about not having enough food for everyone or not being ready in time (had to go in to lab for a little while in the morning, and then really needed to run too) but everything worked out perfectly at the end - even the weird chocolate cookies turned out well, even though at one point, maybe an hour before people were supposed to come over, my entire kitchen was covered in gooey brown dough that was too sticky to make into balls, but somehow I managed to put them on the cookie sheets and baked them for half an hour instead of the suggested 14 minutes.
Some people are leaving for home tomorrow, others have to work, so everyone left pretty early; now that I have cleaned up most of the ruins, it seems like there was nobody in here today: always a little sad after the party when you're left alone at home with the mess and then just the emptiness. I am really happy though, it was a wonderful evening spent with some of my favorite people, and even though we are not related, and I am sad that I don't get to go home and spend the holiday with my parents and close relatives, on days like today, I feel like all the people I have become friends with here are family in a way.
I was so busy I even forgot to take pictures. I do have a really cute little Christmas tree though that I took pictures of. And I wanted to share a picture of the amazingly creative and delicious cupcakes that my friend and lab-mate, Janice made, along the theme of the holiday party last weekend.
Now I am exhausted. Time for sleep.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Reader
In the past few months I haven't gone to the movies very often, which is a very big change from previous times when I used to almost see a movie every week. I have been a lot busier with work and running than before, it's winter and often it's really tempting to stay in and my usual movie-date has also been super busy with her brand new job and boyfriend. There also hasn't been any movie I was really excited to see - maybe James Bond, but that was for purely aesthetic reasons.
Last night I saw a movie that I absolutely loved and wanted to share a bit about it. It's called The Reader, the book it's based on (originally written in German) was a choice in my book-club this month, although we didn't end up choosing it in the end. It's about a lot of things: a love affair between a 15 year old boy and a 30-some year old woman, about the love of books and reading, and most importantly, about the collective German guilt in the decades following the Holocaust. It's beautifully acted: Kate Winslet has really come to be one of the great young actresses of our generation (not bad considering Titanic), the young actor playing Michael, David Kross, I thought was really great - I cannot even imagine the intimidation an 18-year old must feel filming steamy sex-scenes with someone like Kate Winslet. And then of course, maybe the main reason I was so excited about this movie, was Ralph Fiennes, who played the adult Michael: the character of a quiet, morose, divorced middle-aged man suits him well, and throughout the movie, his face looked distorted by constant pain and guilt.
Even today, I kept thinking about the movie, it touched me deeply. Here's the trailer, I can only recommend it:
Last night I saw a movie that I absolutely loved and wanted to share a bit about it. It's called The Reader, the book it's based on (originally written in German) was a choice in my book-club this month, although we didn't end up choosing it in the end. It's about a lot of things: a love affair between a 15 year old boy and a 30-some year old woman, about the love of books and reading, and most importantly, about the collective German guilt in the decades following the Holocaust. It's beautifully acted: Kate Winslet has really come to be one of the great young actresses of our generation (not bad considering Titanic), the young actor playing Michael, David Kross, I thought was really great - I cannot even imagine the intimidation an 18-year old must feel filming steamy sex-scenes with someone like Kate Winslet. And then of course, maybe the main reason I was so excited about this movie, was Ralph Fiennes, who played the adult Michael: the character of a quiet, morose, divorced middle-aged man suits him well, and throughout the movie, his face looked distorted by constant pain and guilt.
Even today, I kept thinking about the movie, it touched me deeply. Here's the trailer, I can only recommend it:
Thursday, December 18, 2008
For Marianna and Erin
I was going to write about my run this evening. I tried something a little different, to change things up and to motivate myself in these cold and dark days, I went on a small group run at the local running store. Maybe I will write about it sometime in the future as I think I'll be back, I really liked the people and it was challenging in a good way.
When I got home from the run, I was reading a new entry on one of the runner's blogs I follow, the one of Kristin Armstrong's. She is the ex-wife of Lance Armstrong, and also an avid runner, who has done multiple marathons and even some ultra-races, like 50 km ones. Besides this, she also has a wonderful way with words. I guess that's why she has her own column at Runner's World magazine, Mile Markers . This week, she wrote about a woman named Erin Lahr, who has passed away while running in the White Rock Marathon in Dallas, TX last weekend. She was 29 and an experienced runner. She was also on pace to qualify for Boston. The autopsy showed no heart abnormalities, which is usually the cause of sudden death during strenuous athletic activity. This story made me think of someone I used to know years ago, and I wanted to write a little about this memory.
It was almost 9 years ago now, we were traveling to a fencing competition in Bratislava. It was always the same people going to these tournaments; Hungary is a small country, and the fencing community is even a smaller one. We all knew each other pretty well, even people from different cities and clubs. Marianna was my age, she came to our club once a week to fence and we always saw each other at competitions. That particular day, she was fencing one of my good friends and clubmate. Entirely unrelated to the fencing, all of a sudden, she collapsed. I was watching from the side with several other friends and our coach. He though that it was some tactical thing and that she wanted to take a break. It didn't make any sense though since she was only a point or two away from winning the bout.
We could tell something was very wrong, but we were too young to understand the whole situation, I think. Eventually, everyone was sent out of the gym and the tournament was suspended. We saw her coach performing CPR on her - there was no doctor at the venue (very Eastern European), although we later found out that it wouldn't have made a difference. She had a congenital blood vessel defect and suffered a rupture in her aorta. I am pretty sure the same thing happened to the actor, John Ritter, a few years ago. It's something that's not easily picked up on routine tests: as athletes, we got yearly physicals, including EKGs. The most heart wrenching thing about it was the fact that her sister - also a good fencer - and their Dad were at the tournament. I remember him literally tearing his hair out while walking up and down the gym, wailing.
I know it's easier to handle situations like these if you believe that there is some sort of higher plan or power and that there is a reason for things like these happening.I don't believe in that though. I think it's biology, genetics, horrible luck, whichever you chose. It's incredibly unfair and it could happen to anyone. Not just genetic dispositions to diseases; any day, anyone could get into an accident and die. Part of why life is so exciting is that we realize that it could end any moment. It's not something we should think about all the time - it would probably drive anyone insane - but I think we should keep the thought in the back of our minds and appreciate every piece of joy and misery: they both mean that we are alive and we are feeling. I know that I don't appreciate the little things enough and that I take many things for granted, all too often. Maybe we can all try a little harder to live in the moment, to appreciate and care about others now, and to stop and evaluate things every once in a while. And to keep those who are no longer with us in our memories and our hearts. For Marianna and Erin. Carpe Diem!
When I got home from the run, I was reading a new entry on one of the runner's blogs I follow, the one of Kristin Armstrong's. She is the ex-wife of Lance Armstrong, and also an avid runner, who has done multiple marathons and even some ultra-races, like 50 km ones. Besides this, she also has a wonderful way with words. I guess that's why she has her own column at Runner's World magazine, Mile Markers . This week, she wrote about a woman named Erin Lahr, who has passed away while running in the White Rock Marathon in Dallas, TX last weekend. She was 29 and an experienced runner. She was also on pace to qualify for Boston. The autopsy showed no heart abnormalities, which is usually the cause of sudden death during strenuous athletic activity. This story made me think of someone I used to know years ago, and I wanted to write a little about this memory.
It was almost 9 years ago now, we were traveling to a fencing competition in Bratislava. It was always the same people going to these tournaments; Hungary is a small country, and the fencing community is even a smaller one. We all knew each other pretty well, even people from different cities and clubs. Marianna was my age, she came to our club once a week to fence and we always saw each other at competitions. That particular day, she was fencing one of my good friends and clubmate. Entirely unrelated to the fencing, all of a sudden, she collapsed. I was watching from the side with several other friends and our coach. He though that it was some tactical thing and that she wanted to take a break. It didn't make any sense though since she was only a point or two away from winning the bout.
We could tell something was very wrong, but we were too young to understand the whole situation, I think. Eventually, everyone was sent out of the gym and the tournament was suspended. We saw her coach performing CPR on her - there was no doctor at the venue (very Eastern European), although we later found out that it wouldn't have made a difference. She had a congenital blood vessel defect and suffered a rupture in her aorta. I am pretty sure the same thing happened to the actor, John Ritter, a few years ago. It's something that's not easily picked up on routine tests: as athletes, we got yearly physicals, including EKGs. The most heart wrenching thing about it was the fact that her sister - also a good fencer - and their Dad were at the tournament. I remember him literally tearing his hair out while walking up and down the gym, wailing.
I know it's easier to handle situations like these if you believe that there is some sort of higher plan or power and that there is a reason for things like these happening.I don't believe in that though. I think it's biology, genetics, horrible luck, whichever you chose. It's incredibly unfair and it could happen to anyone. Not just genetic dispositions to diseases; any day, anyone could get into an accident and die. Part of why life is so exciting is that we realize that it could end any moment. It's not something we should think about all the time - it would probably drive anyone insane - but I think we should keep the thought in the back of our minds and appreciate every piece of joy and misery: they both mean that we are alive and we are feeling. I know that I don't appreciate the little things enough and that I take many things for granted, all too often. Maybe we can all try a little harder to live in the moment, to appreciate and care about others now, and to stop and evaluate things every once in a while. And to keep those who are no longer with us in our memories and our hearts. For Marianna and Erin. Carpe Diem!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Extremes
This past weekend was a strange mixture of craziness, hard work, and incredible laziness. It started off with the annual HSS (hospital where my lab is) holiday party, which is held at the Grand Hyatt, one of the fancier hotels in Midtown NYC. I have been hearing that a lot of companies are canceling or at least cutting down on expenses associated with holiday parties in this time of financial crisis, but not HSS! The party still had a huge variety of yummy dishes from sushi through pasta and steak to mussels and all kinds of things I didn't even recognize. There was of course a bar, or may I say many little bars and a DJ who played cheesy but perfect dance-like-crazy-to-music for 4 hours.
A good 15-20 people from my floor in the hospital came too, making it even more fun being with all the coworkers I really like. It's also fun to see people you work with really let go and have fun. Needless to say, we had a little more fun than necessary. In the process, we might have "borrowed" what was part of the party decoration, but it was just screaming out "Adopt me!" from across the room all night.
All in all, it was a fantastic night spent with a lot of people I really like and it included some craziness that I feel has been missing from my life recently. The next morning was less enjoyable though, after waking up from an alcohol-induced coma at dawn, taking some Advil, and trying to sleep it off, all I managed to do all day was going to buy food and then crawling back to bed with it. This was the first time since the summer that I was seriously hungover, and while it's a good and conscious decision on my part, it does mean that my tolerance has gotten lower and the hangover was probably worse than what it used to be like. It wasn't even the headache or feeling ill, but the bad mood and extreme laziness that comes with it that really pissed me off. I was literally unable to get off the couch all day. At first I was getting annoyed at myself for this - I had originally planned to go swimming in the afternoon - I realized as the day went by that this was my first totally lazy day in a very long time. In fact, I cannot even remember the last time I completely took a day off, with no work, no thinking about work, no places to be, things to do. It must have been sometime in the summer when things were less busy in school and lab and a lot of my friends were on vacation. Ever since that, I have been so busy I never even stopped to think about it. While I still felt unproductive and fat at the end of the day, it was something I needed badly.
Showing how tired I really was, I slept about 13 hours straight the next night and woke up being pretty tired still. I knew I had to get out for my long run no matter what. The obnoxious rain from all last week finally stopped and it was relatively warm (above freezing) so after some 2 hours of getting ready (after sleeping for too long, I always have trouble with this) I finally made it to the park and miraculously finished my planned 10 mile (16 km - I like saying it in km's, it sounds like it's so much more) run with barely any pain - no more than I would have had on any day of a long run without any injury, it's just that I am more sensitive to any kind of soreness or pain after having had an injury - and felt great at the end. It took me about 97 minutes to do this distance, which I was very pleased with. I had only run a 10M race once, back on Mother's day when I was near my fastest, but a week after a half-marathon, and then I finished in exactly 90 minutes. Considering the couple of months I had to take off, this is not bad. Definitely progress I am very happy about.
I was already thinking about how contrasting the days during this weekend were. Then today, it was a high of 67F (almost 20C) outside after the near freezing temperatures of Saturday as well as the forecast for tomorrow - the weather around here has been totally crazy, with some spring-like days, torrential rain, and freezing days with snow. To add to the list of extremes, I was reading an interview online with the winner of the Budapest marathon a couple of months ago, and when asked about his training schedule, he said that he ran on average 160-180 km/week (100-110 miles). Now I know we are talking about a professional runner and this is his job basically, but I still think it's insane that someone runs several half-marathons and possibly a marathon every week, with some speed-workouts scattered in there too. This wasn't enough yet either. During a seminar today, the speaker was introduced as someone who had published 7 first-author and 15 contributing author articles just while he was in graduate school! It was also mentioned that we, as graduate students, should all strive for similar achievements. Are they kidding? I would be extremely satisfied with 1 first-author paper at this point!
What the marathon runner who trains 160 km/week and the professor who published 7 papers while in grad school have in common, is extreme hard work in one area of their lives. What I wonder about is whether they really enjoy this and whether there is room for anything else in their lives. For all I know, the amazing scientist is happily married with 6 children (although he had no wedding ring, which of course, means nothing) and the marathon runner has plenty of time to enjoy life when not on the road, but what I suspect is that they spend most of their waking hours in the lab or on the road and that there is very little balance in their lives. I keep coming back to this question of balance. It's so hard to find it in this crazy busy world where everyone is trying to prove something and trying to be a little better and a little faster and little more published and where everything is about competition. Is there any way to be good at something without it taking over your entire life?
A good 15-20 people from my floor in the hospital came too, making it even more fun being with all the coworkers I really like. It's also fun to see people you work with really let go and have fun. Needless to say, we had a little more fun than necessary. In the process, we might have "borrowed" what was part of the party decoration, but it was just screaming out "Adopt me!" from across the room all night. 
All in all, it was a fantastic night spent with a lot of people I really like and it included some craziness that I feel has been missing from my life recently. The next morning was less enjoyable though, after waking up from an alcohol-induced coma at dawn, taking some Advil, and trying to sleep it off, all I managed to do all day was going to buy food and then crawling back to bed with it. This was the first time since the summer that I was seriously hungover, and while it's a good and conscious decision on my part, it does mean that my tolerance has gotten lower and the hangover was probably worse than what it used to be like. It wasn't even the headache or feeling ill, but the bad mood and extreme laziness that comes with it that really pissed me off. I was literally unable to get off the couch all day. At first I was getting annoyed at myself for this - I had originally planned to go swimming in the afternoon - I realized as the day went by that this was my first totally lazy day in a very long time. In fact, I cannot even remember the last time I completely took a day off, with no work, no thinking about work, no places to be, things to do. It must have been sometime in the summer when things were less busy in school and lab and a lot of my friends were on vacation. Ever since that, I have been so busy I never even stopped to think about it. While I still felt unproductive and fat at the end of the day, it was something I needed badly.
Showing how tired I really was, I slept about 13 hours straight the next night and woke up being pretty tired still. I knew I had to get out for my long run no matter what. The obnoxious rain from all last week finally stopped and it was relatively warm (above freezing) so after some 2 hours of getting ready (after sleeping for too long, I always have trouble with this) I finally made it to the park and miraculously finished my planned 10 mile (16 km - I like saying it in km's, it sounds like it's so much more) run with barely any pain - no more than I would have had on any day of a long run without any injury, it's just that I am more sensitive to any kind of soreness or pain after having had an injury - and felt great at the end. It took me about 97 minutes to do this distance, which I was very pleased with. I had only run a 10M race once, back on Mother's day when I was near my fastest, but a week after a half-marathon, and then I finished in exactly 90 minutes. Considering the couple of months I had to take off, this is not bad. Definitely progress I am very happy about.
I was already thinking about how contrasting the days during this weekend were. Then today, it was a high of 67F (almost 20C) outside after the near freezing temperatures of Saturday as well as the forecast for tomorrow - the weather around here has been totally crazy, with some spring-like days, torrential rain, and freezing days with snow. To add to the list of extremes, I was reading an interview online with the winner of the Budapest marathon a couple of months ago, and when asked about his training schedule, he said that he ran on average 160-180 km/week (100-110 miles). Now I know we are talking about a professional runner and this is his job basically, but I still think it's insane that someone runs several half-marathons and possibly a marathon every week, with some speed-workouts scattered in there too. This wasn't enough yet either. During a seminar today, the speaker was introduced as someone who had published 7 first-author and 15 contributing author articles just while he was in graduate school! It was also mentioned that we, as graduate students, should all strive for similar achievements. Are they kidding? I would be extremely satisfied with 1 first-author paper at this point!
What the marathon runner who trains 160 km/week and the professor who published 7 papers while in grad school have in common, is extreme hard work in one area of their lives. What I wonder about is whether they really enjoy this and whether there is room for anything else in their lives. For all I know, the amazing scientist is happily married with 6 children (although he had no wedding ring, which of course, means nothing) and the marathon runner has plenty of time to enjoy life when not on the road, but what I suspect is that they spend most of their waking hours in the lab or on the road and that there is very little balance in their lives. I keep coming back to this question of balance. It's so hard to find it in this crazy busy world where everyone is trying to prove something and trying to be a little better and a little faster and little more published and where everything is about competition. Is there any way to be good at something without it taking over your entire life?
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Festive firemen
How your morning starts off can really determine your mood and general outlook on the world for the rest of the day. This morning, on my way to work, I saw this heartwarming little gathering and I just couldn't help but smile. I am still smiling:)
There was a fire truck parked in front of the main building of New York Presbyterian (I got a little worried for a moment) and then I saw that the ladder was high up near the windows of the hospital. Oh no, I thought, is this some sort of rescue? It didn't make much sense considering that if anyone was hurt, he or she would have been stuck inside the biggest hospital in NYC. In any case, it turned out not to be a rescue...
There they were: Santa and a Reindeer, waving to people in the windows and ringing bells. I have to say that if I was a patient in one of those rooms and woke up to Santa and a reindeer waving at me from outside the 10th floor window, I might have freaked out a bit. But then again, they could always blame it on the medications. There were people on the ground taking pictures with their cell phones, wondering what all the commotion was about. I wanted to keep looking but it was already pretty late for me to be getting to work, so I went inside, and there was even more going on there.
All of Ladder 13 of the FDNY seemed to be singing Christmas Carols, with tons of people - patients, doctors, nurses, visitors and security guards - gathered around and taking even more pictures. It was a merry scene. Very heartwarming and it's stayed with me for the rest of day, at least so far. Thanks to the firemen!
There was a fire truck parked in front of the main building of New York Presbyterian (I got a little worried for a moment) and then I saw that the ladder was high up near the windows of the hospital. Oh no, I thought, is this some sort of rescue? It didn't make much sense considering that if anyone was hurt, he or she would have been stuck inside the biggest hospital in NYC. In any case, it turned out not to be a rescue...
There they were: Santa and a Reindeer, waving to people in the windows and ringing bells. I have to say that if I was a patient in one of those rooms and woke up to Santa and a reindeer waving at me from outside the 10th floor window, I might have freaked out a bit. But then again, they could always blame it on the medications. There were people on the ground taking pictures with their cell phones, wondering what all the commotion was about. I wanted to keep looking but it was already pretty late for me to be getting to work, so I went inside, and there was even more going on there.
All of Ladder 13 of the FDNY seemed to be singing Christmas Carols, with tons of people - patients, doctors, nurses, visitors and security guards - gathered around and taking even more pictures. It was a merry scene. Very heartwarming and it's stayed with me for the rest of day, at least so far. Thanks to the firemen!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Hamster popcorn
Just too cute not to pass along. Although I am not sure what they fed this hamster with, my Hammy would never in a million years lie still like that.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Running with friends
This past week has been really busy. Busy in a really good way. I had a close friend from Germany in town who stayed with me for a couple of days and then another friend from Hungary via Boston visiting for the weekend. Coincidentally, both of these friends are runners. Earlier in the week we went out for a shorter run in the morning, which is always a great way to start the day. The weather was relatively warm and sunny, and after two laps around the Reservoir, we jogged home and my leg felt great even on the pavement. A couple of days later I felt really strong and the weather was beautiful, so I braved the road again in the park and ran most of 7 miles (~11-12 km) on the pavement. Maybe this wasn't the best idea, but it felt great at the time.
I was already signed up for a 10K race for Sunday, which would be my last of 9 races to qualify for NYC Marathon 09. I knew that no matter how, I had to cross the finish line for the race to count. The time doesn't matter so I figured I can walk or even crawl on all fours if I had to. Also, my friend from Boston was coming pretty much for this race - I might or might not have convinced him to run in it - and so I knew I had to do it no matter what. He arrived the day before and so we did some walking around the city, and I think I was wearing shoes that were too flat and the tendonitis I had had a month or so ago in my posterior tibialis tendon started acting up again. I started getting worried, changed shoes, but I still had to work and walk and it wasn't getting better by the time I got home in the evening, so all I could do was ice it and try to hope for the best.
Of course I was super stressed about this and could barely sleep at all last night, but my leg surprisingly felt better this morning, and so I was all ready for my first race since the shin injury. Luckily, the shin splints haven't come back yet, I am doing things differently now with more warming up and stretching and cross training so I hope that it's really making a difference.
The three of us - me with my two friends from out of town - braved the freezing morning. Fortunately the snow from last night had melted and the road was dry, but the wind was pretty strong and the temperature must have been near freezing. Once we started the loop around the park and warmed up, the run was actually pretty nice, and when we hit the 4 mile mark, I felt really strong and despite knowing in my head that I shouldn't, my legs and my heart told me to take off. I started a bit too early and right before one of the bigger hills, so at the end, even though I felt like I gave it all, I ended up finishing just outside my goal of 1 hour, at 1:00:05. Nothing to be upset about considering I had been out for almost 2 months and I was running with a bit of tendon pain. I realize now that no matter what I do, whether it'd be fencing or running, I am just a competitive person. It's a personality trait and it's not going to change. I could never jog across the finish line unless I was in a lot of pain, and if I don't give it all I have on the last couple of miles, then I don't feel good about the whole race.
At the end, all that matters is that we all had a good time, made it home before freezing, and warmed up with a huge brunch and some well-deserved Bloody Mary's and got to spend some more time in the wondering in the city before my friend was heading back to Boston.
The area around my Achilles is a bit tender and sore now, but I am still hopeful; it's nothing like the pain in my shin was. I am going to rest for a couple of days and then we'll see. Miami is 7 weeks from today, which is still quite a bit of time considering that I am now up to 7 miles or so.
Now I am exhausted; my friends have left, which I am sad about, but it's nice to spend a night lounging on my couch and doing nothing. It's been a great week and I am glad I got to share the race and some running with my friends. Unfortunately, Rachel has been out pretty much since I started back a few weeks ago, with a stress injury in her foot, so we hadn't run together since September. Hopefully, we'll both be ok for Miami and that would be a great occasion to reunite as running buddies.
I was already signed up for a 10K race for Sunday, which would be my last of 9 races to qualify for NYC Marathon 09. I knew that no matter how, I had to cross the finish line for the race to count. The time doesn't matter so I figured I can walk or even crawl on all fours if I had to. Also, my friend from Boston was coming pretty much for this race - I might or might not have convinced him to run in it - and so I knew I had to do it no matter what. He arrived the day before and so we did some walking around the city, and I think I was wearing shoes that were too flat and the tendonitis I had had a month or so ago in my posterior tibialis tendon started acting up again. I started getting worried, changed shoes, but I still had to work and walk and it wasn't getting better by the time I got home in the evening, so all I could do was ice it and try to hope for the best.
Of course I was super stressed about this and could barely sleep at all last night, but my leg surprisingly felt better this morning, and so I was all ready for my first race since the shin injury. Luckily, the shin splints haven't come back yet, I am doing things differently now with more warming up and stretching and cross training so I hope that it's really making a difference.
The three of us - me with my two friends from out of town - braved the freezing morning. Fortunately the snow from last night had melted and the road was dry, but the wind was pretty strong and the temperature must have been near freezing. Once we started the loop around the park and warmed up, the run was actually pretty nice, and when we hit the 4 mile mark, I felt really strong and despite knowing in my head that I shouldn't, my legs and my heart told me to take off. I started a bit too early and right before one of the bigger hills, so at the end, even though I felt like I gave it all, I ended up finishing just outside my goal of 1 hour, at 1:00:05. Nothing to be upset about considering I had been out for almost 2 months and I was running with a bit of tendon pain. I realize now that no matter what I do, whether it'd be fencing or running, I am just a competitive person. It's a personality trait and it's not going to change. I could never jog across the finish line unless I was in a lot of pain, and if I don't give it all I have on the last couple of miles, then I don't feel good about the whole race.
At the end, all that matters is that we all had a good time, made it home before freezing, and warmed up with a huge brunch and some well-deserved Bloody Mary's and got to spend some more time in the wondering in the city before my friend was heading back to Boston.
The area around my Achilles is a bit tender and sore now, but I am still hopeful; it's nothing like the pain in my shin was. I am going to rest for a couple of days and then we'll see. Miami is 7 weeks from today, which is still quite a bit of time considering that I am now up to 7 miles or so. Now I am exhausted; my friends have left, which I am sad about, but it's nice to spend a night lounging on my couch and doing nothing. It's been a great week and I am glad I got to share the race and some running with my friends. Unfortunately, Rachel has been out pretty much since I started back a few weeks ago, with a stress injury in her foot, so we hadn't run together since September. Hopefully, we'll both be ok for Miami and that would be a great occasion to reunite as running buddies.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Dance your way to a PhD contest
We all know scientists are a creative bunch. You might look at us in a whole new light after watching a video made by grad students at the University of Sydney, Australia, who, among many others, entered a worldwide challenge to re-create their research projects through interpretive dance and post the videos on YouTube. They were the winners of the graduate student category by "dancing out" the role of Vitamin D in beta cell function in the pancreas. On YouTube you can find the description of the performance, which starts with: "Every PhD begins in the dark, but it takes only a few bright sparks to kindle the flame of discovery...", which is essentially the short description of grad school. The goal of their project is to find out whether "vitamin D has an effect in improving beta-cell function and increasing insulin secretion". If you read the description, the dance makes a whole lot of sense and I have to say that it is brilliant! I love it!
The project website also has tons of other videos posted, it's worth looking through them. Enjoy!
The project website also has tons of other videos posted, it's worth looking through them. Enjoy!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
The Darwin Beat and science themed tattoos
This evening there was a lecture given at Rockefeller University as a part of the "Science in Media" and "NYC Skeptics" series. Rockefeller attracts a lot of interesting people since it's the leading research university in the Biological Sciences in the world, with the most Nobel laureates in the field as faculty. Since Cornell is literally across the street, we get announcements of events taking place there. Tonight the speaker was a science writer named Carl Zimmer, who often writes in the Tuesday Science section of the New York Times and other magazines such as Discover and the Scientific American.
Being a journalist, he was extremely well spoken and a very good presenter, so his lecture was a ton of fun to listen to. His talk was titled "The Darwin Beat: Reporting from the Frontiers of Evolution". He talked about many examples of how amazing nature is and how scientists have learned so much incredible information by studying the evolution of species. For instance, much of what we know about the migration of the continents to their present locations comes from evidence from evolutionary biology. People studying a small immoblie species of spiders found that genetically related groups of them were living in the southern tips of South America, Africa, as well as in Sri Lanka and Australia. The only way this is possible - since these animals don't move more than a few inches in their lifetimes - is if these continents were once all part of a huge ancient supercontinent, which of course is a well-known scientific fact today.
Zimmer also talked a lot about snake venoms - apparently there is a scientist in Australia who has dedicated his life to studying venoms and he travels around the world collecting them from different snakes. He figured out that many venomes are compounds that exist in other species at different locations - one very poisonous venom is a pancreatic enzyme that must have mutated during the course of evolution to be made in venom glands of snakes instead of the pancreas, conferring an advantage to the snake that could kill its prey by injecting a digestive enzyme into the prey's circulation, which one can imagine, would be a pretty dangerous. These are just a few example that stayed with me after the lecture because they beautifully illustrate the elegance of nature and the fact that everything is the world is interconnected and indeed, we have a lot more in common with snakes and spiders than we like to admit.
Inevitably, when there is any talk of evolution, the issues of creationism and intelligent design also come up. Towards the end of the lecture I almost felt like I was listening to Richard Dawkins. After having lived in the US for 8 years and having read and listened to Dawkins' work, I wasn't surprised to hear the statistics of people's beliefs about evolution and creationism in this country. While the situation is a lot better in Europe, it still amazes me that there are plenty of educated people around the world who deny the validity of evolution and would rather believe that humans were created as they are now 10,000 years ago by a supernatural being.
Again I have realized how much I love science or the ideas behind science. The complexity and beauty of nature never seize to amaze me and that's why I have been studying it for many years and why I am in graduate school now. I have been discovering, however, that doing the actual science - as in doing the experimental work itself - is not nearly as beautiful and glorious as the big picture is. In experimental science, everything lies in the smallest of details and a lot of what we do in the lab is troubleshooting the experimental designs. While this is absolutely necessary for the advancement of science, I am not always sure that I have the kind of personality ad patience to do it for the rest of my life. But for now, I have no reason to complain. I am working in a field that is truly my passion and that I have a huge admiration for, and even if research turns out not to be the exact part of it that I also enjoy doing, it's never too late to try something new.
Last but not least, Carl Zimmer writes a pretty interesting blog that I would like to recommend: The Loom. A section of the blog deals with science themed tattoos. He did mention today that he had once met a scientist who had something related to his field of research tattooed on his body somewhere and how this gave Zimmer the idea to look for other people with similar ink. On his blog, you can find many of such tattoos, some of which I think are super cool. Also, this is further evidence that scientists are a little nuts, and that grad school makes people do silly things - like quite spontaneously getting a nose piercing after a long day in the lab. (I have absolutely no regrets about it.)
One of my favorites, a DNA double helix, on the ankle of an immunologist, and I love that she even says in the description that "The two double-stranded breaks don’t bother me; adaptive immune cells have those as part of normal development." (Sorry, for non-immunologists, normally, breaks in DNA are bad, that's how a lot of mutations arise, but in the case of some cells in the immune system, it's a really good thing, because that is how they acquire a huge repertoire of recognition molecules through which our immune systems are able to recognize such a wide variety of pathogens.)
Being a journalist, he was extremely well spoken and a very good presenter, so his lecture was a ton of fun to listen to. His talk was titled "The Darwin Beat: Reporting from the Frontiers of Evolution". He talked about many examples of how amazing nature is and how scientists have learned so much incredible information by studying the evolution of species. For instance, much of what we know about the migration of the continents to their present locations comes from evidence from evolutionary biology. People studying a small immoblie species of spiders found that genetically related groups of them were living in the southern tips of South America, Africa, as well as in Sri Lanka and Australia. The only way this is possible - since these animals don't move more than a few inches in their lifetimes - is if these continents were once all part of a huge ancient supercontinent, which of course is a well-known scientific fact today.
Zimmer also talked a lot about snake venoms - apparently there is a scientist in Australia who has dedicated his life to studying venoms and he travels around the world collecting them from different snakes. He figured out that many venomes are compounds that exist in other species at different locations - one very poisonous venom is a pancreatic enzyme that must have mutated during the course of evolution to be made in venom glands of snakes instead of the pancreas, conferring an advantage to the snake that could kill its prey by injecting a digestive enzyme into the prey's circulation, which one can imagine, would be a pretty dangerous. These are just a few example that stayed with me after the lecture because they beautifully illustrate the elegance of nature and the fact that everything is the world is interconnected and indeed, we have a lot more in common with snakes and spiders than we like to admit.
Inevitably, when there is any talk of evolution, the issues of creationism and intelligent design also come up. Towards the end of the lecture I almost felt like I was listening to Richard Dawkins. After having lived in the US for 8 years and having read and listened to Dawkins' work, I wasn't surprised to hear the statistics of people's beliefs about evolution and creationism in this country. While the situation is a lot better in Europe, it still amazes me that there are plenty of educated people around the world who deny the validity of evolution and would rather believe that humans were created as they are now 10,000 years ago by a supernatural being.
Again I have realized how much I love science or the ideas behind science. The complexity and beauty of nature never seize to amaze me and that's why I have been studying it for many years and why I am in graduate school now. I have been discovering, however, that doing the actual science - as in doing the experimental work itself - is not nearly as beautiful and glorious as the big picture is. In experimental science, everything lies in the smallest of details and a lot of what we do in the lab is troubleshooting the experimental designs. While this is absolutely necessary for the advancement of science, I am not always sure that I have the kind of personality ad patience to do it for the rest of my life. But for now, I have no reason to complain. I am working in a field that is truly my passion and that I have a huge admiration for, and even if research turns out not to be the exact part of it that I also enjoy doing, it's never too late to try something new.
Last but not least, Carl Zimmer writes a pretty interesting blog that I would like to recommend: The Loom. A section of the blog deals with science themed tattoos. He did mention today that he had once met a scientist who had something related to his field of research tattooed on his body somewhere and how this gave Zimmer the idea to look for other people with similar ink. On his blog, you can find many of such tattoos, some of which I think are super cool. Also, this is further evidence that scientists are a little nuts, and that grad school makes people do silly things - like quite spontaneously getting a nose piercing after a long day in the lab. (I have absolutely no regrets about it.)
One of my favorites, a DNA double helix, on the ankle of an immunologist, and I love that she even says in the description that "The two double-stranded breaks don’t bother me; adaptive immune cells have those as part of normal development." (Sorry, for non-immunologists, normally, breaks in DNA are bad, that's how a lot of mutations arise, but in the case of some cells in the immune system, it's a really good thing, because that is how they acquire a huge repertoire of recognition molecules through which our immune systems are able to recognize such a wide variety of pathogens.)
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Why we run
Running in the winter can be a bit difficult. I don't mind the cold whether alone but when it's wet and icy outside as well, I prefer the gym and the treadmill. I get incredibly bored on it, although it's gotten much better since I got an iPod Touch and can watch movies while running. Most of this week was beautiful and sunny outside and I got to run in the park twice. On Friday I finished a whole loop around - 10 km - on the main park drive, all on the pavement, without almost any pain and I felt so great afterwords. Today was a gloomy rainy day and I really wanted to run so I just went to the gym and the treadmill. Even while watching a movie on the tiny screen of my iPod, it gets pretty boring after a few minutes - especially when you're forced to stare at the snail pace progression of time on the digital clock. So I started wondering why I run. And then I found this while searching for Lance Armstrong videos. I guess everyone runs for different reasons.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Inspiration
Are there coincidences or do things happen for a reason? I don't think anyone can know for sure but it certainly seems like sometimes we come across exactly what we need at exactly the time when we need it the most.
After getting lunch with a friend in Soho, I had some time to kill before having to head back to the Upper East Side, and since I am rarely in the downtown area these days, I just started wondering around. I found myself on Houston St. near Mulberry, close to the young designer's market so I stopped by. It's rare that I can find something interesting there: most of the clothes are super over-priced and all the jewelery looks the same. As soon as I walked in I came across this perfect black dress that I always imagined and it fit like it was made for me. I pretty much spent my food money for the next 2 weeks on it, but when you fall in love with something then there is nothing you can do.
As I was waiting for the guy who owned the stand, I started talking to his next door neighbor who was also selling clothes. He was pretty funny, offered me tips on how to bargain with his friend - ended up getting the dress $5 cheaper than he originally told me. I was trying to convince the guy to sell me the dress cheaper because I was a poor grad student. I guess that's worth about $5. In any case, it turned out that the friendly neighbor was a scientist himself, a geneticist actually. He also owns a clothing company called Dead Clothing, which he bought on a trip to Iceland. All the clothes are designed by his friend from Iceland who is HIV positive and whose life theme is "He who fears death cannot enjoy life."
He offered some advice on some of my experiments that I have been very frustrated with lately (the guy seemed to have some advice for everything) and sounded like he really knew what he was talking about. He mentioned something that I hadn't thought about and might actually be a really great idea. He did not look like your typical scientist either. Imagine a guy in his 30s with tattoos, ears pierced, wearing a funky hat, and admittedly quite hungover, who owns a fashion company and spends his Saturdays hanging out with young designers in Soho. It's not that I usually think that all scientists are nerdy, wear thick glasses and have little social skills or ideas about the world outside of their little corner of expertise, well, maybe I do sometimes...
Lately I have found less inspiration in life generally and so meeting this guy was just so refreshing and inspiring. Some people are motivated by money, fame or awards but I often find that people are more inspiring than anything else. Starting with my parents who had made it possible for me to follow my dreams on to the people I lived with in Kansas who welcomed me into their family as if I was born into it and so many teachers and coaches and others who have given me motivation. And of course, people I don't even know who are amazing and defy all odds to achieve amazing things.
After getting lunch with a friend in Soho, I had some time to kill before having to head back to the Upper East Side, and since I am rarely in the downtown area these days, I just started wondering around. I found myself on Houston St. near Mulberry, close to the young designer's market so I stopped by. It's rare that I can find something interesting there: most of the clothes are super over-priced and all the jewelery looks the same. As soon as I walked in I came across this perfect black dress that I always imagined and it fit like it was made for me. I pretty much spent my food money for the next 2 weeks on it, but when you fall in love with something then there is nothing you can do.
As I was waiting for the guy who owned the stand, I started talking to his next door neighbor who was also selling clothes. He was pretty funny, offered me tips on how to bargain with his friend - ended up getting the dress $5 cheaper than he originally told me. I was trying to convince the guy to sell me the dress cheaper because I was a poor grad student. I guess that's worth about $5. In any case, it turned out that the friendly neighbor was a scientist himself, a geneticist actually. He also owns a clothing company called Dead Clothing, which he bought on a trip to Iceland. All the clothes are designed by his friend from Iceland who is HIV positive and whose life theme is "He who fears death cannot enjoy life."
He offered some advice on some of my experiments that I have been very frustrated with lately (the guy seemed to have some advice for everything) and sounded like he really knew what he was talking about. He mentioned something that I hadn't thought about and might actually be a really great idea. He did not look like your typical scientist either. Imagine a guy in his 30s with tattoos, ears pierced, wearing a funky hat, and admittedly quite hungover, who owns a fashion company and spends his Saturdays hanging out with young designers in Soho. It's not that I usually think that all scientists are nerdy, wear thick glasses and have little social skills or ideas about the world outside of their little corner of expertise, well, maybe I do sometimes...
Lately I have found less inspiration in life generally and so meeting this guy was just so refreshing and inspiring. Some people are motivated by money, fame or awards but I often find that people are more inspiring than anything else. Starting with my parents who had made it possible for me to follow my dreams on to the people I lived with in Kansas who welcomed me into their family as if I was born into it and so many teachers and coaches and others who have given me motivation. And of course, people I don't even know who are amazing and defy all odds to achieve amazing things.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thanksgiving Parade
This was my first Thanksgiving spent in NYC and I figured that at least once in my life I have to go see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I have watched it on TV many times before, and I have to say that if you wanna see the floats or the marching bands you should stick to the TV. The atmosphere was really fun though, lots of kids and families, people dancing to the music, warming each other in the crowd. It was a nice experience although a bit cold after a couple of hours of standing outside.
The city is now ready for Christmas, there are trees and lights everywhere, and it's really pretty. The fountain was finally turned off in the hospital courtyard and X-mas trees with lots of lights were put in it, they smell so good!!
The city is now ready for Christmas, there are trees and lights everywhere, and it's really pretty. The fountain was finally turned off in the hospital courtyard and X-mas trees with lots of lights were put in it, they smell so good!!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Comfort food
I can't write about how I feel today. I really want to but there's too much in my head and it's too confusing. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I feel anxious, a little sad and homesick and I wish I could go home and yet I am also excited to spend the holiday in NYC and to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and to have my Thanksgiving meal at a French restaurant with relatives.
Lab has been horrible, my mentor thinks I am too negative, which is true, but he could be a little more understanding. He told me that he was worried about my mental state just yesterday, in front of other people. It was not the slickest thing, made me upset but also made me think. I have been too negative. I need to focus on the good things.
So today I left lab early and went food shopping - for some reason I am worried that things will be closed tomorrow, and I am so used to just running to the deli on the corner for a salad or a sandwich that I don't know what to do when the deli is closed - so I bought all this food, and made my ultimate comfort food: chicken and mashed potatoes. I think it makes me feel so cozy because my Mom used to make it so often when I was growing up. Of course when I make it, it doesn't taste nearly as good as it does when my Mom does. Then I went a little crazy. Cooking or baking makes me feel calmer. So I decided to make sugar cookies. I didn't plan on it when I went to the store, but happened to have all the ingredients, and it's so easy to make. So this is what happened:
People who have been to my apartment know how tiny the kitchen is, so I had to put all the cookie sheets in my room for the cookies to cool. They came out delicious! Dipping them in a warm glass of milk, yummmy!! I feel much calmer and happier.
Here's the recipe I used: Easy-Sugar-Cookies, the most important thing is to melt the butter completely before mixing in the sugar...
Time for an early night as I have to get up early to get a good spot at the parade tomorrow morning.
Lab has been horrible, my mentor thinks I am too negative, which is true, but he could be a little more understanding. He told me that he was worried about my mental state just yesterday, in front of other people. It was not the slickest thing, made me upset but also made me think. I have been too negative. I need to focus on the good things.
So today I left lab early and went food shopping - for some reason I am worried that things will be closed tomorrow, and I am so used to just running to the deli on the corner for a salad or a sandwich that I don't know what to do when the deli is closed - so I bought all this food, and made my ultimate comfort food: chicken and mashed potatoes. I think it makes me feel so cozy because my Mom used to make it so often when I was growing up. Of course when I make it, it doesn't taste nearly as good as it does when my Mom does. Then I went a little crazy. Cooking or baking makes me feel calmer. So I decided to make sugar cookies. I didn't plan on it when I went to the store, but happened to have all the ingredients, and it's so easy to make. So this is what happened:
People who have been to my apartment know how tiny the kitchen is, so I had to put all the cookie sheets in my room for the cookies to cool. They came out delicious! Dipping them in a warm glass of milk, yummmy!! I feel much calmer and happier.
Here's the recipe I used: Easy-Sugar-Cookies, the most important thing is to melt the butter completely before mixing in the sugar...
Time for an early night as I have to get up early to get a good spot at the parade tomorrow morning.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Feeling guilty
I used to be a much more confrontational person. I told people exactly what I thought and how I felt, and I thought that made me an honest person. It took me some time to realize that it just made me unkind and ruined some relationships. It took some effort to become more aware of the things I wanted to say to people and to be able to filter those things. I have by now possibly crossed over to the other side where I am almost unable to confront people. When something bothers me, it just swells inside, I dwell on it, but try to avoid bringing it up, and it eventually turns into a kind of knot in me, and I get incredibly stressed out about it. When I finally get to a point where I can't hold back anymore, I usually still try to avoid face to face confrontation, and turn to our generation's favorite mode of communication, email. As soon as I hit to "Send" button, I feel guilty. Even if I think I was in the right.
Feeling guilty has absolutely no point. What has already occurred can't be undone. We just have to stop dwelling on the past and look into the immediate future and try to do things a little better the next time. Try to be a little more mature and maybe force ourselves to communicate like human beings are supposed to. And remember that we can't always agree on everything, but that's what makes life so interesting, and having an argument face to face is not the end of the world.
Feeling guilty has absolutely no point. What has already occurred can't be undone. We just have to stop dwelling on the past and look into the immediate future and try to do things a little better the next time. Try to be a little more mature and maybe force ourselves to communicate like human beings are supposed to. And remember that we can't always agree on everything, but that's what makes life so interesting, and having an argument face to face is not the end of the world.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Back to the future
Finally my new Moleskin calendar arrived last night! As strange as it sounds, I can't live without that little black pocketbook anymore. For the past couple of years I have had the same calendar, and my whole life is in those books. Without it, I would never make it to any appointments and could not organize my life even to the small extent that I have managed to do so lately. As the new year is drawing closer, I have been looking all over the place, have gone to pretty much every Barnes & Noble store on the island of Manhattan, and could not find the particular calendar I wanted, so finally I ordered it from Amazon.
I am craving more order in my life now. Maybe it's because I am getting older or just realizing that I am so much more efficient when things are in order. A while ago I organized my stuff in lab: put everything away in nicely ordered folders, labeled everything so now it's easy to find data from experiments I had done months ago. I cleaned my desk too, and overall, I have been feeling better about work because of the order. Those who know me well know that I am not the tidiest person and certainly not a clean-freak. There is a certain level of clean and order that I absolutely need though. Part of that is writing down everything I do in the little black book both to keep track of what I need to do and to remember what I had done.
As I started leafing through the pages of my new calendar and writing down things I already knew I had to do, I realized that January was just around the corner and how busy I was going to be. Last weekend I went to an all-day fencing seminar and took the written test to become a rated referee. Having passed the exam, the person in charge hooked me up with the East Coast college fencing league coordinator, who organizes all the competitions around here. Immediately, I was booked for 5 different tournaments along the East Coast, and with some other competitions I had already agreed to referee at, I managed to sign up for every single weekend in January and February for fencing meets. I think I should feel stressed about how I am going to have time for all this next to lab and school, but I am actually excited about going to all these competitions.
Is this strange? Am I a masochist deep down? Standing up for sometimes 8-10 hours a day, having to focus for that long, getting yelled at from all directions, people always looking for things to criticize about you... all of these are parts of being a referee. Why am I looking forward to doing this to myself? I have been fighting against this feeling ever since I stopped competing more than 3 years ago. I have been refereeing ever since, mostly in high schools in the NYC area and at college meets back at Northwestern, but never very seriously and most importantly, never admitting that I enjoyed it. However, when I went to Chicago a few weeks ago, I decided that it was time to stop fighting this feeling that has become very obvious to me by now. I miss fencing, I miss being around fencers, I miss being at competitions. When I walk into the gym in the morning of a competition, I have the feeling of belonging and familiarity, no matter where in the world I am. There is this thing called fencing that links me with all the other people in the world who do it. Of course, it also helps to be going back to the same places time after time and be recognized by people; it gives me a certain sense of importance and authority that I like.
It feels good to have stopped fighting against the pull of the fencing world, although I am a bit afraid of being sucked back and trapped in it once again like I felt I was 4 or so years ago. Hopefully I am older now and more mature and have enough experience and other responsibilities and hobbies that I will be able to keep a healthy balance in my life.
I am craving more order in my life now. Maybe it's because I am getting older or just realizing that I am so much more efficient when things are in order. A while ago I organized my stuff in lab: put everything away in nicely ordered folders, labeled everything so now it's easy to find data from experiments I had done months ago. I cleaned my desk too, and overall, I have been feeling better about work because of the order. Those who know me well know that I am not the tidiest person and certainly not a clean-freak. There is a certain level of clean and order that I absolutely need though. Part of that is writing down everything I do in the little black book both to keep track of what I need to do and to remember what I had done.
As I started leafing through the pages of my new calendar and writing down things I already knew I had to do, I realized that January was just around the corner and how busy I was going to be. Last weekend I went to an all-day fencing seminar and took the written test to become a rated referee. Having passed the exam, the person in charge hooked me up with the East Coast college fencing league coordinator, who organizes all the competitions around here. Immediately, I was booked for 5 different tournaments along the East Coast, and with some other competitions I had already agreed to referee at, I managed to sign up for every single weekend in January and February for fencing meets. I think I should feel stressed about how I am going to have time for all this next to lab and school, but I am actually excited about going to all these competitions.
Is this strange? Am I a masochist deep down? Standing up for sometimes 8-10 hours a day, having to focus for that long, getting yelled at from all directions, people always looking for things to criticize about you... all of these are parts of being a referee. Why am I looking forward to doing this to myself? I have been fighting against this feeling ever since I stopped competing more than 3 years ago. I have been refereeing ever since, mostly in high schools in the NYC area and at college meets back at Northwestern, but never very seriously and most importantly, never admitting that I enjoyed it. However, when I went to Chicago a few weeks ago, I decided that it was time to stop fighting this feeling that has become very obvious to me by now. I miss fencing, I miss being around fencers, I miss being at competitions. When I walk into the gym in the morning of a competition, I have the feeling of belonging and familiarity, no matter where in the world I am. There is this thing called fencing that links me with all the other people in the world who do it. Of course, it also helps to be going back to the same places time after time and be recognized by people; it gives me a certain sense of importance and authority that I like.
It feels good to have stopped fighting against the pull of the fencing world, although I am a bit afraid of being sucked back and trapped in it once again like I felt I was 4 or so years ago. Hopefully I am older now and more mature and have enough experience and other responsibilities and hobbies that I will be able to keep a healthy balance in my life.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Mama Afrika
Quite by accident, I got to go to a very memorable concert at a very nice place called Le Poisson Rouge - The red fish, which apparently means goldfish, but the French call them red fish for some reason. My friend who's from Belgium and also half Congolese invited me last minute to this tribute concert to Miriam Makeba - better known as Mama Afrika - who had just passed away last weekend. I have to admit that I didn't know what she was talking about at the time, but as I have written about this before, I am in an adventurous "let's discover new music" and "don't turn down opportunities to try new things" phase in my life, so I said I'd go with her. I looked Makeba up in Google and found out that I really should have know about her, as she was a world-famous South African singer and performer, who singed in all different languages all around the world, was a political activist and toured with really big-name artists like Harry Belafonte and Paul Simon.
There was a line outside the venue when we got there, which is not so unusual in NYC, but for a Sunday evening, the place was crowded. There was a nice mix of people, black and white, and a great atmosphere. It was truly a celebration of a great person's life, who fought against apartheid in South Africa and for civil rights in the US while brining together all kinds of people from all around the world with her music.
The performers were mostly from Africa, some who had known her, some who admired her, people recited poetry and sang her songs, told stories about her or just showed pictures on the screen behind the stage. I felt like I was getting to know her too. The whole room went nuts when someone commented on how she got to witness the election of a black president in the US right before her death, something that apparently was a lifelong dream of hers.
And then, an older man with a cane came out to talk about how he had met her decades ago in London. It was Harry Belafonte. He is still very good-looking at 81, and incredibly well-spoken. Unfortunately, he didn't sing, but told some stories about Makeba and I think made a lot of people in the audience tear up.
And that wasn't all. After Belafonte left the stage, an even bigger star appeared, to the surprise of pretty much everyone, Paul Simon himself. I couldn't quite believe that I would get to see and hear him sing for a suggested donation of $20 at this concert.
It was quite an evening! Besides the great music, it felt amazing to be in this huge melting pot that was the bar, that are NYC, the US, and truly, the world. Where people from different continents and cultures and languages come together to celebrate something that's so human and so beautiful, even though it was quite a sad occasion, it was also wonderful, and just being there made me feel like I was part of something bigger and better, and that there was hope for humanity after all.
One of the artists who performed was a young Somali rapper, K'naan, who had escaped with his family to Harlem when he was a child. I am not a huge fan of rap, but his song "When I get older" honestly made me cry.
"When I get older, I will be stronger.
They'll call me freedom, just like a waving flag"
There was a line outside the venue when we got there, which is not so unusual in NYC, but for a Sunday evening, the place was crowded. There was a nice mix of people, black and white, and a great atmosphere. It was truly a celebration of a great person's life, who fought against apartheid in South Africa and for civil rights in the US while brining together all kinds of people from all around the world with her music.
The performers were mostly from Africa, some who had known her, some who admired her, people recited poetry and sang her songs, told stories about her or just showed pictures on the screen behind the stage. I felt like I was getting to know her too. The whole room went nuts when someone commented on how she got to witness the election of a black president in the US right before her death, something that apparently was a lifelong dream of hers.
And then, an older man with a cane came out to talk about how he had met her decades ago in London. It was Harry Belafonte. He is still very good-looking at 81, and incredibly well-spoken. Unfortunately, he didn't sing, but told some stories about Makeba and I think made a lot of people in the audience tear up.
And that wasn't all. After Belafonte left the stage, an even bigger star appeared, to the surprise of pretty much everyone, Paul Simon himself. I couldn't quite believe that I would get to see and hear him sing for a suggested donation of $20 at this concert.
It was quite an evening! Besides the great music, it felt amazing to be in this huge melting pot that was the bar, that are NYC, the US, and truly, the world. Where people from different continents and cultures and languages come together to celebrate something that's so human and so beautiful, even though it was quite a sad occasion, it was also wonderful, and just being there made me feel like I was part of something bigger and better, and that there was hope for humanity after all.
One of the artists who performed was a young Somali rapper, K'naan, who had escaped with his family to Harlem when he was a child. I am not a huge fan of rap, but his song "When I get older" honestly made me cry.
"When I get older, I will be stronger.
They'll call me freedom, just like a waving flag"
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Music I've been listening to
I bought a new computer a couple of months ago and as I was transferring all my music from my old computer, I realized that I had been listening to the same artists for the last 5 or so years. So I went on a hunt on this great website last.fm, where you can listen to all kinds of music for free, see upcoming concerts and look for similar artists. You can also make your own library of music you like and share it with your friends. This is how I came upon a Norwegian singer called Ane Brun, who actually lives in Stockholm, a city I really loved when I went to visit in August. In any case, she caught my eye probably because of this and also because she has an absolutely enchanting voice and her songs have quite chilling lyrics. This is one of my favorites from her album "Changing of the Seasons".
"I was gonna love you till the end of all daytime
and I was gonna keep all our secret signs and our lullabies
I was made to believe that our love would grow old
we were gonna live in a treehouse and make babies
and we were gonna bury our ex-lovers and their ghosts
baby we were made of gold."
I was excited to see that she had an upcoming show at my favorite new bar in Brooklyn, Union Hall. So last night a friend and I went to the show, and I had such a great time and discovered a couple of really great artists I had never heard of before. The first opener was a singer songwriter named Mia Riddle and her group. They were playing similar indie acoustic kind of music and they were pretty good, apparently from Brooklyn, but tour all over the pace, even in Europe. We got to talk to Mia after the show and she seemed very nice.
Here is a video from her album "Tumble and Drag".
What I really like about these smaller shows and concert halls is how cozy and friendly they are and that the artists hang out at the bar with all the fans and it's real easy to go up to them and talk. So we got to talk to Ane for a few minutes too, she is just so cute and sweet, and we got to take some pictures with her.
One of the things I like so much about Union Hall too is the decoration. The walls in the bar area are lined with bookshelves and old looking books, there are old black and white family photos everywhere, including hanging on the wall behind the stage in the downstairs room where they have all the shows. The picture is of an older woman, looks a little scary, like it could be one of those photos in a haunted house that might start talking to you any moment. In any case, the whole place has a very cozy feel to it, like you were visiting long-lost relatives in their big country house.
Then it was another Swedish artist, Tobias Froberg, who had a really nice voice too and performed a few songs with Ane Brun.
Ane Brun was really amazing! It was a small enough concert that we were way in the front, some people were even sitting on the floor in front of us. For one of her songs, she invited people from the audience on the stage to hum with her. If I had any talent in singing, I would have loved to do that. It was the kind of live music experience during which I just closed my eyes and gave myself over completely to the melody and the next time I was conscious, it was an hour and a half later and the show was over.
Pretty amazing!
"I was gonna love you till the end of all daytime
and I was gonna keep all our secret signs and our lullabies
I was made to believe that our love would grow old
we were gonna live in a treehouse and make babies
and we were gonna bury our ex-lovers and their ghosts
baby we were made of gold."
I was excited to see that she had an upcoming show at my favorite new bar in Brooklyn, Union Hall. So last night a friend and I went to the show, and I had such a great time and discovered a couple of really great artists I had never heard of before. The first opener was a singer songwriter named Mia Riddle and her group. They were playing similar indie acoustic kind of music and they were pretty good, apparently from Brooklyn, but tour all over the pace, even in Europe. We got to talk to Mia after the show and she seemed very nice.
Here is a video from her album "Tumble and Drag".
What I really like about these smaller shows and concert halls is how cozy and friendly they are and that the artists hang out at the bar with all the fans and it's real easy to go up to them and talk. So we got to talk to Ane for a few minutes too, she is just so cute and sweet, and we got to take some pictures with her.
One of the things I like so much about Union Hall too is the decoration. The walls in the bar area are lined with bookshelves and old looking books, there are old black and white family photos everywhere, including hanging on the wall behind the stage in the downstairs room where they have all the shows. The picture is of an older woman, looks a little scary, like it could be one of those photos in a haunted house that might start talking to you any moment. In any case, the whole place has a very cozy feel to it, like you were visiting long-lost relatives in their big country house.
Then it was another Swedish artist, Tobias Froberg, who had a really nice voice too and performed a few songs with Ane Brun.
Ane Brun was really amazing! It was a small enough concert that we were way in the front, some people were even sitting on the floor in front of us. For one of her songs, she invited people from the audience on the stage to hum with her. If I had any talent in singing, I would have loved to do that. It was the kind of live music experience during which I just closed my eyes and gave myself over completely to the melody and the next time I was conscious, it was an hour and a half later and the show was over.
Pretty amazing!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Celebrities
In New York one should always carry a camera around. Here is why: walking around in the city one never knows what kind of event one might run into on the way. As I was limping home from my last acupuncture treatment last night, I saw all this commotion around the Lincoln Square Loewe's movie theater with tons of cameras, photographers, lights and of course, the red carpet. There was much noise to be heard as well. By the time I fought my way through the crowd, the star of the night had already entered the building. Sadly, I only found out about 15 minutes later when I was getting tired of waiting around and asked the person next to me about whether or not he'd seen Daniel Craig already, as the event was the NYC premiere of the new Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, which I am super excited to see!
Of course I didn't have my camera, and my phone could only take this rather shitty picture above many heads, with no zoom.
I only saw the late-arriving guests which included Julia Stiles, Debra Messing from "Will and Grace", a guy from Gossip Girl whose name I don't know, and Jeffrey Wright, who I guess starts in the movie. This is what people with the big cameras saw right before I got there:
From now on I will always carry my camera with me, wherever I go.
Of course I didn't have my camera, and my phone could only take this rather shitty picture above many heads, with no zoom.
I only saw the late-arriving guests which included Julia Stiles, Debra Messing from "Will and Grace", a guy from Gossip Girl whose name I don't know, and Jeffrey Wright, who I guess starts in the movie. This is what people with the big cameras saw right before I got there:
From now on I will always carry my camera with me, wherever I go.
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