A week ago, I had a smaller panic attack: found out about an extra form I should have submitted months ago to the Department of State, separate from the Immigration Service; naturally, they want their share of the deal too, which meant $440 enclosed with the form. Actually, the form and the money had to go to separate places and the they don't accept personal checks and it was just a huge mess. Believe it or not, it took the cashier at my bank three tries to spell "Department of State" correctly, and by the end of that little adventure, I was trying very very hard to take very very deep breaths and try not to blow up at her in a very public place and then after the third time, I wasn't even sure anymore that I had her put the right thing on the check, but then there it was, in the envelope, mailed express overnight. I made it to the post office just on time before it closed and then made it back to the lab just a few hours too late to start my big experiment, and did I forget to eat lunch?? I don't remember the last time I forgot the eat a meal. That is always something I can count on: my appetite. Well, a skipped meal is no big deal, even good for me!
In the middle of my experiment then, I get a call from my "benefactor" - the super nice doctor who truly believes that I am the perfect person to become a doctor here in the US, and he is trying very hard to introduce me to people he knows, after all, it is all about connections, even here. He was at his 50th med school reunion at Cornell, about to head to a cocktail reception, where I absolutely had to meet his former classmate, Hungarian doctor, maybe a former fencer. Uh oh, sounded good. Cocktails also sounded good. I headed over across the street to Cornell, quickly had a glass of wine to calm myself down and was ready to meet Dr. Kerenyi. He spoke perfect Hungarian as if he hadn't been living in the US for over 50 years. Our conversation felt a little bit like an interview: he wanted to know how I got here, what I have done, what I was planning to do, where I planning to go, and so on and so on. I was trying so hard to speak grammatically correctly - not always so simple - and it must have worked as at the end, he offered to write me a letter of recommendation, if I ever needed one. Wow! But then he said something that really stuck with me. He said that when he was younger, a lot of people had helped him out and that now he has no way to pay them back or even thank them sometimes. So he believes that the best he can do is pay it forward. For all the good people who have helped him along the way, he thinks he should help as many people as he can - if he thinks they deserve it - and he just asks me to do the same when I ever get the chance to. I love it! What a fantastic philosophy to live by!
Back in the lab - as I had a million things to do still - there was more wine (surprise surprise!) and so I kept working, drinking, eating cheese and crackers and doing a little more work, drinking another glass of wine. And then all of a sudden, it was 10 and I was exhausted and mentally drained. All that worrying can really be tiring! Naturally, I could barely sleep and the next day was no better. I kept thinking about that check that might have the wrong payee written on it, and the form that was sent months too late and then kept trying to find information on the internet. Oh, you can find anything on google!! Of course! But there was no hope either of the two immigration lawyers I know would get back to me before Monday and I was freaking out. I tried to work to distract myself, but the only thing that works to release all that stress is a good run. What a great idea! Go for a run after skipping lunch and having cheese and crackers and wine for dinner and a cup of coffee for breakfast. Duh! After a couple of miles - and I mean I was going all out, that's what really helps when I need to get something out of my head - I had to stop for a hot-dog and gatorade, which is never good, but it helped. On the top of Harlem Hill, I finally managed to relax, start breathing normally, feeling normal again, for exactly a moment. Because in that moment, I remembered the mice!!! I forgot to inject the mice!!! My big important experiment was ruined!! All that work! But wait, maybe it's ok to immunize them a day late. So I took off and sprinted home to call Rachel and figure out what I should do. Poor thing, home to visit her family, even there, I find her! Turned out it was ok to inject the mice a day late, so I continued sprinting on towards the lab.
Yes, ok, I know, I am a bit mental. It's just that this green card thing is kind of a big deal. A huge fucking deal, actually!!!! But then, I was done with all the worrying. Not sure what calmed me down finally, but it was all ok then. On Monday, I got to talk to both lawyers and they calmed me down further. Things should be ok now. All the papers are now in the mail: express overnight, guaranteed to arrive tomorrow. October 1st, the first day I could submit. Phew, it's ok now. Just wait, wait, wait, be patient, it's good character builder. In the meantime, I have a marathon to run, lots of yoga to do, more experiments to run - btw, my big important experiment turned out to be a total failure, poor mice died for nothing :( Well, it's never for nothing, I suppose, but still, I feel a little bad.
And I realized today that no matter what happened, it was gonna be ok. I am ready for whatever happens next. And definitely open to all the different possibilities.
2 comments:
Great days!
!!!
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