Home is...

"Home" is a strange concept. Is it where we live, where we were born, where our loved ones are? Perhaps, where we feel at home? For me, Home, with a capital "H", is Budapest. Born and raised there, I think it's one of the most beautiful cities in the world, my family is there, and many friends. When I go to Budapest, I say and feel that I am going home. Whether I stay with my parents or at my own place, I am home. Even though I have less and less friends there, it's so important to me to at least try to nurse my relationships with people there. The funny thing is, sometimes, when I am in Budapest and I talk about going back to NY, I say I am going home. home with a small "h" maybe, but home nonetheless.

When I lived in other places, like near Chicago, it never felt like home. Whenever I traveled somewhere, which was often, I was a little sad to return there. College wasn't my favorite thing in the world, and I had trouble meeting people at first, which I think had a lot to do with this feeling. When I return to NY, I am never sad. Even after an amazing summer vacation, landing at JFK was thrilling. (Having to fight my way through midtown craziness, however, was not at all thrilling. Why oh why does any New Yorker go to Times Square???)

Today, I had many errands to run: renew license, go to the bank, go to the doctor, more blood tests, more vaccinations, buy a bed (IKEA is both heaven and hell), say hi to friends... it was stressful! And I was in some unfamiliar areas of the city: even though it's the same city, there is something about new places that stress me out a little bit. I remember when I first moved to Harlem, I didn't find it particularly appealing, and I didn't think I would like it, but a few weeks later, the streets felt familiar and comfortable again. I am sure it's going to happen with my new neighborhood too.

After a particularly bad pang of nostalgia, while riding the water taxi towards Manhattan (IKEA is at a far-away place in Brooklyn), I decided to go visit my old neighborhood. More accurately, the lab. Yup, I could not wait to get out of there 2 months ago, and here I was, a little sad, very nostalgic, and the place I most wanted to go was the lab. I took the train uptown and surprised the 4th floor of HSS. I brought some chocolates from Europe, so everyone was happy, told them stories from my summer, we laughed like we used to so much. Someone from the end of the hall ran towards us: "I heard you were here from all the way back there!!" Like good old days, gossiping in the hallway, being loud, laughing out loud. Ahh, I missed those girls! That damn lab, I have to admit, that I spent 5 years in, feels like home.

I suppose it's not about the place, the city - because being in NYC just one day reminded me of all the things I did not miss about it: the humidity, the traffic, the taxis, the honking, the subway, the rats, the roaches, the trash - but about the people, and about where your heart is. Even when I am sad or a little lonely, I know the people and the places here that will cheer me up and make me feel at home. I hope that my new place will soon feel like that too.