Unattainable?

There are so many things we look forward to or even long for, even if some of those things seem quite out of reach, even impossible. Papers which are in the making for years, tests we fear so much we put off for so long we no longer even think that it is possible to pass them, a person we have been longing to get close to but who seems unattainable; a dream of becoming someone we have always wanted to become; fantasies of change and adventure. And then, a strange thing might happen: you might finish the paper you never thought would be written; looking at the pages of the finished manuscript filled with ink can seem unreal. You might find yourself making a decision to change something about your life that you don't like, take the test you had so feared and find out how well you did on it. You might one day receive a letter that can change your future. You might even realize one day that the man of your dreams you thought didn't even notice you might like you back and when you lean closer to each other in anticipation of that first kiss you have always imagined but never thought would ever actually take place, you just have to have faith. Because the things we imagine, even fantasize about often take on a life of their own and before we know it, might lose touch with reality and then we might not see or believe what's right in front of us. It's easy to say that something is impossible or unattainable and that is why we don't even try reaching for it. But nothing is impossible. And the more I experience, the more I believe that the first step towards accomplishing anything you want is believing in it. And then comes the rest. If you work hard, you will finish the paper; if you study enough, you will do well on the test and if you really want to change your life, you will see to it that what you really want becomes your future. You have to believe in the magic of that first kiss and have to have faith in that person you want to love and be loved by. After all if you don't even have faith yourself, then how should others have faith in you?

Spices make me happy

Having grown up in a family with almost everyone having gall bladder issues and not accustomed to spices, I had never been exposed to much variety of flavors. It always took me a long time to get used to new foods: I refused to eat any kind of sea creature for the longest time, and now, I eat sushi a couple of times a week; I had a strange aversion to olives for years, now I buy specialty olives stuffed with all kinds of yummy things like peppers and garlic; and then there is spicy stuff.

Just a few years ago, the thought of going to an Indian restaurant scared me. I always ordered my wings mild and stayed far away from dishes with the little red chili sign next to them on menus. Then, once during an outing to the Dinosaur BBQ in Harlem, I was challenged to eat a suicide wing for $10. Being a poor grad student and someone who hates to lose, I ate it. And survived. It wasn't even that bad. That really helped a lot to get over my fear of spices.

Then, I moved in with my current roommate, who is from the South of India. She doesn't cook a whole lot, but a few times I have had the pleasure of sharing one of her meals with her. Slowly, I realized that spicy food awesome! I am no longer afraid of the chili sign and would rather eat something slightly spicy than something plain in a restaurant.

On Saturday evening,I got home to my roommate and her fiance cooking something that smelled distinctly Indian. They invited me to have dinner with them. They seemed a little worried about how I would deal with the chicken dish that turned out extra spicy, but there was lots of yogurt and a nice sweet mango sauce to calm the taste buds. I ended up eating 2 whole roti's (Indian flat-bread that's used to pick up food with, as there are no utensils, basically, you use your fingers and the bread to eat) filled with delicious chicken and veggies and mango sauce; my friends were rather impressed. I was too. There was some tingling in my mouth and my nose was running but wow, it cleared my sinuses like no menthol can, and I was feeling distinctly happier than I had all day. It turns out, that capsaicin, found in chili peppers, which causes the spicy sensation, causes the release of endorphins, not unlike what happens during running. The body is tricked into "being hurt", so mechanisms to reduce the pain kick in: namely, endorphins. Pain subsides, and a happy euphoric sensation takes over. This is what runners describe as "runner's high" and the reason why lovers of spicy food can't get enough of chilis.

Now I understand what was going on when I got home one day only to find my roommate standing in the middle of our kitchen with a bowl in her hand, crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said, sobbing quietly, "Nothing, I am so happy!". She was just eating a dish loaded with capsaicin, her eyes watering and nose running as endorphins were rushing through her veins.

On the M66

I got on the M66 crosstown bus at around 11pm. I walked past an old orthodox Jewish man - all black, long beard, black hat, the whole nine yards - maybe even a rabbi, and sat down across the aisle from him. I noticed he was listening to music on a very old school walkman, pretty loudly, bobbing his head. Sort of unusual. As I sat down I also noticed that he checked me out, very obviously. Little weirder. After a few blocks, he turned to me and asked where 2nd Ave. was. I told him it was a few more blocks. Then, 2 avenues later, he asked again. I told him it was in 2 blocks. He said "God bless you." Do Jews say that? Not sure... anyhow, at 3rd Ave, he mistakenly rang the bell, the bus was already crossing the street so he must have thought it went past the 3rd Ave stop. The bus stopped for maybe 3 seconds before the driver realized that it had been a mistake, and we were off towards 2nd Ave. No big deal. Except, a man sitting a few rows behind started complaining: "You old fool, why did you hit the bell? Why are you wasting our time? You fool!!" etc... he even climbed over his wife to go up to the rabbi to tell him what a fool he was. Completely absurd! He kept yelling: "You're wasting our time, you fool!" As the rabbi was getting off the bus, he yelled "You full of shit!", which I found appropriate, except for it coming from a rabbi's mouth. The man still on the bus kept talking about how this old man was wasting our time. Ummm, really? As the bus drove by towards 1st Ave, I saw the rabbi standing on the corner, shaking his fist at the bus, then yelling something and giving the bus the finger. Even more absurd.

I am glad I took the bus instead of walking, this is not something you see every day. To the man on the bus, I really wanted to ask him where the hell he was so rushing to go that he could not stand to be delayed for a whole 3 seconds. But I restrained myself and just laughed, as quietly as I could.

Bigger and better things

I am done! DONE DONE DONE! At least for now... I didn't feel the great relief I had been hoping for as I walked out of the testing center, but now as I am sitting at my desk still in my pajamas close to noon, sipping on a cup of coffee, not having any particular plans for the day, except for dinner and drinks with friends at a beer garden, I feel great. Thanks to all on the 4th floor of HSS, once again, to Janice for this amazing cake (above) that I got to stab and cut into little pieces with a huge knife - very satisfying! - and for the 10 bottles of wine we downed last night :)

I feel a little lost, lonely without my tightly set schedule, without my usual rushing to the library, but I feel free too. And it feels good! It's spring and the sun is out: after the test, I walked to Central Park, sat on the grass, ate my lunch, had my Jamba Juice smoothie, took a nap in the grass, ah, so lovely!

Now, on to bigger and better things!

Last days

To follow up from Monday: I should have know (I really did, but the hopeless romantic in me didn't let me believe it) that only a girl would be as thoughtful as to send a box of cookies. After spending a considerable amount of time comparing hand-writings from different pieces of paper I could find around the lab and at home, it became clear that a random person at the chocolate shop wrote the card and Janice admitted that she would have signed the card if she knew it would make me crazy. :) Even though Hollywood wants us to believe that it's possible - without any offense to men intended - men and women are just different, and that's it. I am really happy that I have such great friends, without them, life would really not be the same!

This morning, Rachel came by and dropped off a pot of home-made black bean soup with corn muffins, accompanied by a lovely card. Yummy, I am about to have some for lunch.

Staying home and trying to put a last effort into studying today is not going as well as planned, but a little better than I really thought it would go. In any case, the picture below accurately reflects my state of mind at the moment:

Secret admirer

The loveliest thing happened today: I received a box of very nice and surely delicious chocolates from an anonymous source, wishing me luck on my MCATs :) Whoever you are, secret admirer, thank you very much, you made my day!

Penguins and volcanoes

It's been all over the news today: the Eyjafjallajokull volcano in Iceland has erupted. It's pretty much cut entire Europe off from the the rest of the world by forcing closure of air-spaces all over the continent - Hungary has grounded all flights and is not allowing any planes in its airspace. While it sucks for people who are stuck at airports all over the world, I have to admit that I am inspired by this awesome show of force. We like to think that we are above all, that we are somehow superior to other creatures and forces of nature. And yet, there is this volcano on an island we barely ever think of and its spitting up some ash is now reaping havoc all over Europe because the wind was blowing in the wrong direction. It reminds us of the power of nature and the vulnerability of our carefully crafted control - or at least the illusion of control - over everything on this planet.

On a less philosophical note, today is 1 week to D-day (mcat). I have never looked forward to something being over this much before! Today, I took a practice test, then I had my well-deserved burrito and a nice long walk in the city before heading to the library for me studying. On my way back, I ran into a friend I haven't seen in months, probably since before the whole mcat crazy started. I gave him the abbreviated version of what's going on in my life and we decided to catch up once I will be done. It reminded me of all the things I am looking forward to once I am done with this test! Like the "mcat cake" my friend Janice is going to make me next Friday :)

Which reminds me, Janice defended her PhD earlier this week: she was flawless, confident, graceful, perfect! We had a big penguin-themed party afterwards, went out to a nice Spanish dinner with 20 of our floor-mates and had a blast! The 4th floor of the HSS research building has the absolute best people working on it! They all came together to celebrate Janice, got her a really nice gift - an almost $500 gift certificate to a local culinary school - to perfect her baking so she can become a famous wedding cake baker and we can all enjoy her fantastic creations! Here are some pictures from the evening: