Brother

Some things I realized: holding grudges is really stupid; ignoring someone who cares about you is really hurtful; friends are there to help you out no matter what, even when it means going far out of your way; people don't change, especially not within a few months; some people do change, real happiness can change them; there are plenty of things one can carry on a bike; pálinka is delicious but dangerous; you have to give yourself to what you are doing fully, otherwise what's the point of doing it?; there is something to just enjoying the moment without thinking about the consequences, it's exhilarating; you have to deal with the consequences once the moment has passed; ignoring them doesn't get you anywhere; snowstorms are beautiful; kissing in a snowstorm is wet, but lovely; and finally - for today, I mean - I have a brother, who teaches me how to play poker!

Déjà vu

Every city has some ppular meeting spots. In New York, it's usually a street-corner, in front of a store on Union Square or at a specific Starbucks. In Budapest, one of these spots popular among my friends is in front of a statue in the center of the city. A few times every year I seem to arrive at this statue, waiting to see the friends I see way too rarely. As I was standing there once again yesterday, I had the unmistakable feeling of déjà vu. Last time it was warm and I was able to sit and read while I waited; this time it was cold and dark and my feet were tingling by the time she arrived. I must have stood under that statue many many times before; at that moment last night, my life seemed like a collection of moments under the statue connected by the invisible lines of time. And the way we percieve time is strange: it seemed that it was just days ago I had stood there last, and yet it was more than 4 months ago. I wonder when the next moment on my life's map by the statue will be?

Starry Night

Some pictures from NYC, from last weekend: holiday parties, holiday treats from Janice, my ridiculously messy desk in lab (since, it' been cleaned, barely recognized it the next morning!), snow snow snow, snowing on saturday night on 70th St., then sinking in the snow on Sunday morning on the Lower East Side, snowy Central Park, MOMA's Tim Burton exhibit - thanks to Kathleen for the all-access staff guest tickets, Burton is absolutely genious!! - and of course, my all time favorite piece in the MOMA, Starry Night, and the craziness that 5th Ave is on the last weekend before x-mas. Good weekend to end my year in NYC. Now, back home with the fam. Merry Christmas, everyone!!

50 turns of the page

Ever since the grad school cut the funding for coffee and cookies at the weekly "Research in Progress" seminars, I have had significant trouble staying focused. It was no different today. I actually listened and absorbed during the first talk - looking for natural compounds that would kill Tuberculosis - the diabetes talk afterwords could not hold my attention (a whole lot depends on the speaker's style, way more than the actual topic of the presentation!!).

I took out my Moleskin 2009 calendar, which contains my life, pretty much. Not only is it crucial for me to keep track of all the things I have planned (I am not an electronic scheduler type of gal) but it's also great to look back in the little black book from time to time and see what I have been up to in the past few weeks/months.

Since I had 20 minutes to kill, I went all the way back to January 1st. Things that now seem like they had happened ages ago were written clearly right there on the pages for the month of January. I have to say, that was one of the more exciting months of my life, up to date. 5 states in 4 and a half weeks, 3 fencing tournaments refereed, 1 marathon completed, one day playing in the sand on the sunny beaches of Florida, the next day being stuck in a snow storm in New York. Many miles - either way you look at it - many colorful drinks and sleepless nights, extreme ups and downs, huh, I was living!

I just went back through some old posts, and found this - as an answer for what my plans for the year were - from January 2nd of this year: "I want to experience more of life, fully, this year." No regrets on that: I didn't hold back much.

After January, things have calmed down significantly and the months just kept passing rather quietly - 50 turns of the page. Right now, I feel like I am in a very good place. I have clear goals (the major one being med school, intermediate ones such as publishing a paper and the MCAT) accompanied by a nearly clear plan - planning to work details out as I go - and lots of supportive people around me. Now I just have to find a way to do what I need to do, in the little time I have, without losing my mind and some friends along the way.

I was thinking today, as I walked through the hospital, that the best feeling is when you can imagine your life as a movie or a TV show and at any given moment, you cannot wait to see what will happen in the next episode. Right now I am so excited to find out what will happen in "my next episode"!

Winter days

I haven't written much about running lately. Well, to be perfectly honest, I haven't written much about anything lately. Life is getting in the way of writing about life. Life has been getting in the way of running, in particular.

It's always harder to find the motivation to go out in the cold and especially in the dark and cold. These days, by the time I get done in lab, it's pitch dark and the weather has suddenly turned rather wintery here in NY. I have to admit that today for the first time, I skipped a race I had registered for, and I didn't have a very good excuse for it. It was cold and I was hungover and it was in Brooklyn at 9am. Instead, I didn't set an alarm and woke up at 10:30 with big headache. After some coffee and chocolate (sugar is the best cure for everything, I strongly believe!) I felt human again and decided that it was Brooklyn's fault: if the race had been in Central Park, I would have gone, for sure! Well, regardless, I felt bad.

Last weekend, there was a 10K in Central Park, which started at 8am and it was really cold then too and I somehow managed to get up and take the subway to make it perfectly on time to start in my corral, which does not always happen, even in the summer months. Signing up for races is a good way for me to make sure that I actually go running, especially in the winter. Sometimes, I can't find the time all week - like this past week - and my only chance is on the weekend. It's not fun to set an alarm for 6:30am on a Sunday, but once I am back from the race, in the hot shower, with a hot cup of coffee and my day is starting before 10am with tons of energy, it's always a great feeling! I also know that once I am out and running, it feels amazing, regardless of the temperature. You just have to get past the first few minutes of biting wind and freezing fingers and face.

After running all my errands this morning - more like early afternoon - the sun just looked too tempting to stay inside. I was planning to study, but once I start thinking about running, I know I have to get in out of way, otherwise, it starts stressing me out. What I love about NY winters are days like today. Cold but not a cloud in the sky. I started out practically sprinting it was so cold, all the way to the park, and stopping to stretch for a few minutes was too painful too. After about 20 minutes, I finally started feeling comfortable. I didn't have a definite plan in terms of distance, just wanted to get to that place where I felt great and try to linger for a while. I headed to the reservoir and I started feeling really great after about half a lap. It's hard to explain to people who don't run, but at a point during good runs, when you find the right pace and rhythm, the mind starts clearing, stress dissipating. As the body is working harder, the mind quiets. Moments of pure physical effort and no thought can be blissful. Of course, as soon as you acknowledge the existence of such a moment, you started thinking again. This is my big issue with meditation and some yoga practices. But during running, I manage to find these moments.

They never last long though. The mind kicks back in. A couple of weeks ago, the yoga instructor in my class said that an average person had about 60,000 thoughts a day. I bet it must be even more for women! Most of those 60,000 thoughts are pretty useless and very distracting. The point of practicing yoga would be to quiet this crazy stream of thoughts, but sometimes I find it difficult, especially when I am trying. Today though, at the perfect time, when I started thinking that the best moments of my run were over and I should head back home, I saw someone I recognized running in front of me. It wasn't a friend, more of an acquaintance whom I go to school with and lives in my building. I have seen him running before and we occasionally chat in the elevator about running. It was nice to run into him. Without asking him if he minded - looking back, it was a little rude - I joined him and just ended up following him without knowing how much he was going run. It was really good since it kept me out running for about 15 minutes longer than I most likely would have otherwise. It's also nice to finally have a conversation with someone I have sort of known for almost 5 years but have never actually talked to much.

Science or witchcraft or maybe art?

For my scientist friends, this is a Western blot I did today. Don't ask!

For those who have no idea what a Western blot is, it's supposed to look something like this - definitely not star-shaped, or looking like a dendritic cell:



That's all I wanted to say about science, aka witchcraft.

Average time spent writing emails

So true!