Finally I finished my poster for the grad school retreat just the night before leaving, then on the morning of the trip, we had some car problems. Of course this is what we get for trying to sleep in and not take the early morning bus like most other people. Finally we made it to Mohonk Mountain an hour late, missing the presentation given by the postdoc from our own lab. Naturally. The mountain house and the whole area is beautiful, it was a bit chilly, but we managed to get out on a walk to the top of the mountain. After the hike and dancing at the party with flats on, the inside of my leg was pretty swollen and just walking was painful. I got pretty worried about the redness too, combined with a few gin and tonics, I had a horrible night of anxiety and insomnia.
Hiking with the girls from the lab
The mountain house
Stretching my leg while George is looking triumphant
I also had 2 days of standing and refereeing fencing to look forward to. To be honest, I was actually excited about going to Chicago for the Remenyik Open: I like seeing the old fencing crowd and being around competitions even if I am not in them. I think it's nostalgia, after all, I fenced for 15 years and that included a lot of competitions and a lot of the same crowd I saw at those tournaments, some of whom are still in the sport and were at this competition. On the way to Chicago, there was a storm and right after the plane went into a cloud, lightening hit very close to or directly into our plane. There was a huge boom and lots of light and some shaking. Holy shit, it was one of the scariest experiences of my life, I just hate feeling so helpless, just waiting for what might happen. Being on a plane you really feel totally out of control which is why it's such a scary concept I think. I still don't really understand how planes fly, and that adds to the mystery. Fortunately my friend Rob who was sitting next to me by the window would see that everything on our side of the plane looked fine, but the next 20 minutes of the flight were nonetheless pretty scary and we were both very tense when we finally got to Chicago. The rest of the evening turned out much better, I got to catch up with an old fencing acquaintance whom I had been pretty excited to see again after more than 3 years, and I finally could completely relax and forget about work and running and the pain and just have a few drinks, some good conversation and lots of fun.
On the first day of the fencing tournament I had a pretty hard time concentrating and probably didn't do such a great job, but it went by without anyone seriously complaining so I guess I did an ok job after all. I got to catch up with my mentor from the lab I worked in during college, which is always nice, although I really had no desire to discuss my project with him and thinking about it made me somewhat anxious again, mostly about my perspectives in grad school, and what to do after. Always the same questions: what's next? He thought it most natural that I would be looking for a postdoc position right after getting my PhD, I didn't want to disappoint him by admitting that I have less and less desire to stay in academic science after graduating. Even worse, I think about what I could do right now if I quit school and tried doing something completely different. That's really not something I should be thinking about.
The weekend spent with fencers really sucked me into this other world that used to be such a huge part of my life and that I have almost completely given up. After finishing college I felt really burned out and tired, I practically didn't do any sports for a year after that. Now I miss it very much though. That's part of why I started running and doing races. I need that adrenaline rush that comes with being in a competition, but while in fencing before, I was good enough that I usually had a chance of doing well, making the finals or even to win, in running, it's only about reaching the goal I set for myself. They are two very different things. Sometimes I am really glad that I am not competing against anybody in running while at other times, I wish I could sprint across the finish line and have the feeling of having beaten someone. After all, balance is so important in all aspects of life, and to keep up some excitement and variety, I think I should do a little bit of both.
I was also inspired to get better at refereeing, it's a really great way to keep in touch with the fencing crowd and also to travel to many different places and even to make a bit of extra cash which is always nice. So I am going to go to an all-day seminar and take the written test to finally get an official rating soon, and hopefully I'll get better at it (reading the rule book might help as well:) with practice and I can do national tournaments sometime.
To get back to running... I went to see my PT again last night and when she saw the swelling and bruising next to my ankle, she said I probably have some tendonitis in the tibialis posterior tendon. Oh great! Just what I wanted to hear! Another week of rest at least, then we can talk about training. Marathon is pretty much out for sure, and we'll see about the half. Rachel was worried I might bail out on her for Miami. Well, honestly, it'd be so frustrating to go and not run at all, but I have tickets already and I want to get out of here in January even if for just a few days. I have now made an appointment with an acupuncturist, I am willing to try anything at this point. Even if it costs $75 for one session! This is gonna break me completely! Might be better off just cutting the leg off.
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