Opening up is hard

It's true, opening up is very difficult. It makes us vulnerable to getting hurt, but we hope that the rewards outweigh the risks at the end. I am not saying that we should become friends with every person we ever talk to. But we should at least give people a chance by talking to them and if we connect with someone we should try to put some effort into building a relationship. I know that relationships are lots of work, whether romantic or otherwise. We practically live in a constant rat race, tyring to multitask between work, friends, family, and time for ourselves and it is extremely difficult to find balance. It is difficult to maintain comunication even with people living in the same city, and especially with those that are far away. Yet I think that our lives are incredibly enriched by relationships and without them it would be worth much less, and thus, I try to put effort into every relationship and expect the same from others. About not having the time for new connections? But I think we do! If we just spent a little less time in front of the computer building virtual relationships, or in front of the TV watching other people's relationships, then we might have lots of time for real people and real things.

There is something to be said for the internet though. In the beginning, I wasn't sure about this blog in terms of writing at all and sharing it with people. I have tried writing in a journal before, but never really got into it. A good point my friend Kelsey brought up was that our thoughts were so much faster than we are able to hand-write, and that we were the first generation that had grown up with computers and can type much faster than write. Knowing that people can read what you write makes a huge difference too. It's a way of opening up, though maybe easier than talking to people face to face. Usually when we talk to each other, we vent. We don't think about what we are saying so much, which is not a good thing. People say so many horrible things to each other that given the chance would certainly take back later. Writing my thoughts down really gives me a chance to think them through and edit them later, and knowing that people might read it makes me really consider every word I write.

Once I decided to share this blog with people, I just sent the link to some close family and friends in Hungary, whom I have a difficult time keeping in touch with. I thought it'd be a good way to keep people up to date on my life. I wasn't sure what to expect at first, but I was very pleasantly surpised. My Mom told me the next day that she felt like she had gotten to know me much better by just reading the posts. After that we had an almost hour long conversation on the phone, longer and much deeper than probably ever before. And possibly that had something to do with me opening up, here on the screen, as well as on the phone. It's definitely worth it!