Running in the winter can be a bit difficult. I don't mind the cold whether alone but when it's wet and icy outside as well, I prefer the gym and the treadmill. I get incredibly bored on it, although it's gotten much better since I got an iPod Touch and can watch movies while running. Most of this week was beautiful and sunny outside and I got to run in the park twice. On Friday I finished a whole loop around - 10 km - on the main park drive, all on the pavement, without almost any pain and I felt so great afterwords. Today was a gloomy rainy day and I really wanted to run so I just went to the gym and the treadmill. Even while watching a movie on the tiny screen of my iPod, it gets pretty boring after a few minutes - especially when you're forced to stare at the snail pace progression of time on the digital clock. So I started wondering why I run. And then I found this while searching for Lance Armstrong videos. I guess everyone runs for different reasons.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Inspiration
Are there coincidences or do things happen for a reason? I don't think anyone can know for sure but it certainly seems like sometimes we come across exactly what we need at exactly the time when we need it the most.
After getting lunch with a friend in Soho, I had some time to kill before having to head back to the Upper East Side, and since I am rarely in the downtown area these days, I just started wondering around. I found myself on Houston St. near Mulberry, close to the young designer's market so I stopped by. It's rare that I can find something interesting there: most of the clothes are super over-priced and all the jewelery looks the same. As soon as I walked in I came across this perfect black dress that I always imagined and it fit like it was made for me. I pretty much spent my food money for the next 2 weeks on it, but when you fall in love with something then there is nothing you can do.
As I was waiting for the guy who owned the stand, I started talking to his next door neighbor who was also selling clothes. He was pretty funny, offered me tips on how to bargain with his friend - ended up getting the dress $5 cheaper than he originally told me. I was trying to convince the guy to sell me the dress cheaper because I was a poor grad student. I guess that's worth about $5. In any case, it turned out that the friendly neighbor was a scientist himself, a geneticist actually. He also owns a clothing company called Dead Clothing, which he bought on a trip to Iceland. All the clothes are designed by his friend from Iceland who is HIV positive and whose life theme is "He who fears death cannot enjoy life."
He offered some advice on some of my experiments that I have been very frustrated with lately (the guy seemed to have some advice for everything) and sounded like he really knew what he was talking about. He mentioned something that I hadn't thought about and might actually be a really great idea. He did not look like your typical scientist either. Imagine a guy in his 30s with tattoos, ears pierced, wearing a funky hat, and admittedly quite hungover, who owns a fashion company and spends his Saturdays hanging out with young designers in Soho. It's not that I usually think that all scientists are nerdy, wear thick glasses and have little social skills or ideas about the world outside of their little corner of expertise, well, maybe I do sometimes...
Lately I have found less inspiration in life generally and so meeting this guy was just so refreshing and inspiring. Some people are motivated by money, fame or awards but I often find that people are more inspiring than anything else. Starting with my parents who had made it possible for me to follow my dreams on to the people I lived with in Kansas who welcomed me into their family as if I was born into it and so many teachers and coaches and others who have given me motivation. And of course, people I don't even know who are amazing and defy all odds to achieve amazing things.
After getting lunch with a friend in Soho, I had some time to kill before having to head back to the Upper East Side, and since I am rarely in the downtown area these days, I just started wondering around. I found myself on Houston St. near Mulberry, close to the young designer's market so I stopped by. It's rare that I can find something interesting there: most of the clothes are super over-priced and all the jewelery looks the same. As soon as I walked in I came across this perfect black dress that I always imagined and it fit like it was made for me. I pretty much spent my food money for the next 2 weeks on it, but when you fall in love with something then there is nothing you can do.
As I was waiting for the guy who owned the stand, I started talking to his next door neighbor who was also selling clothes. He was pretty funny, offered me tips on how to bargain with his friend - ended up getting the dress $5 cheaper than he originally told me. I was trying to convince the guy to sell me the dress cheaper because I was a poor grad student. I guess that's worth about $5. In any case, it turned out that the friendly neighbor was a scientist himself, a geneticist actually. He also owns a clothing company called Dead Clothing, which he bought on a trip to Iceland. All the clothes are designed by his friend from Iceland who is HIV positive and whose life theme is "He who fears death cannot enjoy life."
He offered some advice on some of my experiments that I have been very frustrated with lately (the guy seemed to have some advice for everything) and sounded like he really knew what he was talking about. He mentioned something that I hadn't thought about and might actually be a really great idea. He did not look like your typical scientist either. Imagine a guy in his 30s with tattoos, ears pierced, wearing a funky hat, and admittedly quite hungover, who owns a fashion company and spends his Saturdays hanging out with young designers in Soho. It's not that I usually think that all scientists are nerdy, wear thick glasses and have little social skills or ideas about the world outside of their little corner of expertise, well, maybe I do sometimes...
Lately I have found less inspiration in life generally and so meeting this guy was just so refreshing and inspiring. Some people are motivated by money, fame or awards but I often find that people are more inspiring than anything else. Starting with my parents who had made it possible for me to follow my dreams on to the people I lived with in Kansas who welcomed me into their family as if I was born into it and so many teachers and coaches and others who have given me motivation. And of course, people I don't even know who are amazing and defy all odds to achieve amazing things.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thanksgiving Parade
This was my first Thanksgiving spent in NYC and I figured that at least once in my life I have to go see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I have watched it on TV many times before, and I have to say that if you wanna see the floats or the marching bands you should stick to the TV. The atmosphere was really fun though, lots of kids and families, people dancing to the music, warming each other in the crowd. It was a nice experience although a bit cold after a couple of hours of standing outside.
The city is now ready for Christmas, there are trees and lights everywhere, and it's really pretty. The fountain was finally turned off in the hospital courtyard and X-mas trees with lots of lights were put in it, they smell so good!!
The city is now ready for Christmas, there are trees and lights everywhere, and it's really pretty. The fountain was finally turned off in the hospital courtyard and X-mas trees with lots of lights were put in it, they smell so good!!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Comfort food
I can't write about how I feel today. I really want to but there's too much in my head and it's too confusing. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I feel anxious, a little sad and homesick and I wish I could go home and yet I am also excited to spend the holiday in NYC and to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and to have my Thanksgiving meal at a French restaurant with relatives.
Lab has been horrible, my mentor thinks I am too negative, which is true, but he could be a little more understanding. He told me that he was worried about my mental state just yesterday, in front of other people. It was not the slickest thing, made me upset but also made me think. I have been too negative. I need to focus on the good things.
So today I left lab early and went food shopping - for some reason I am worried that things will be closed tomorrow, and I am so used to just running to the deli on the corner for a salad or a sandwich that I don't know what to do when the deli is closed - so I bought all this food, and made my ultimate comfort food: chicken and mashed potatoes. I think it makes me feel so cozy because my Mom used to make it so often when I was growing up. Of course when I make it, it doesn't taste nearly as good as it does when my Mom does. Then I went a little crazy. Cooking or baking makes me feel calmer. So I decided to make sugar cookies. I didn't plan on it when I went to the store, but happened to have all the ingredients, and it's so easy to make. So this is what happened:
People who have been to my apartment know how tiny the kitchen is, so I had to put all the cookie sheets in my room for the cookies to cool. They came out delicious! Dipping them in a warm glass of milk, yummmy!! I feel much calmer and happier.
Here's the recipe I used: Easy-Sugar-Cookies, the most important thing is to melt the butter completely before mixing in the sugar...
Time for an early night as I have to get up early to get a good spot at the parade tomorrow morning.
Lab has been horrible, my mentor thinks I am too negative, which is true, but he could be a little more understanding. He told me that he was worried about my mental state just yesterday, in front of other people. It was not the slickest thing, made me upset but also made me think. I have been too negative. I need to focus on the good things.
So today I left lab early and went food shopping - for some reason I am worried that things will be closed tomorrow, and I am so used to just running to the deli on the corner for a salad or a sandwich that I don't know what to do when the deli is closed - so I bought all this food, and made my ultimate comfort food: chicken and mashed potatoes. I think it makes me feel so cozy because my Mom used to make it so often when I was growing up. Of course when I make it, it doesn't taste nearly as good as it does when my Mom does. Then I went a little crazy. Cooking or baking makes me feel calmer. So I decided to make sugar cookies. I didn't plan on it when I went to the store, but happened to have all the ingredients, and it's so easy to make. So this is what happened:
People who have been to my apartment know how tiny the kitchen is, so I had to put all the cookie sheets in my room for the cookies to cool. They came out delicious! Dipping them in a warm glass of milk, yummmy!! I feel much calmer and happier.
Here's the recipe I used: Easy-Sugar-Cookies, the most important thing is to melt the butter completely before mixing in the sugar...
Time for an early night as I have to get up early to get a good spot at the parade tomorrow morning.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Feeling guilty
I used to be a much more confrontational person. I told people exactly what I thought and how I felt, and I thought that made me an honest person. It took me some time to realize that it just made me unkind and ruined some relationships. It took some effort to become more aware of the things I wanted to say to people and to be able to filter those things. I have by now possibly crossed over to the other side where I am almost unable to confront people. When something bothers me, it just swells inside, I dwell on it, but try to avoid bringing it up, and it eventually turns into a kind of knot in me, and I get incredibly stressed out about it. When I finally get to a point where I can't hold back anymore, I usually still try to avoid face to face confrontation, and turn to our generation's favorite mode of communication, email. As soon as I hit to "Send" button, I feel guilty. Even if I think I was in the right.
Feeling guilty has absolutely no point. What has already occurred can't be undone. We just have to stop dwelling on the past and look into the immediate future and try to do things a little better the next time. Try to be a little more mature and maybe force ourselves to communicate like human beings are supposed to. And remember that we can't always agree on everything, but that's what makes life so interesting, and having an argument face to face is not the end of the world.
Feeling guilty has absolutely no point. What has already occurred can't be undone. We just have to stop dwelling on the past and look into the immediate future and try to do things a little better the next time. Try to be a little more mature and maybe force ourselves to communicate like human beings are supposed to. And remember that we can't always agree on everything, but that's what makes life so interesting, and having an argument face to face is not the end of the world.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Back to the future
Finally my new Moleskin calendar arrived last night! As strange as it sounds, I can't live without that little black pocketbook anymore. For the past couple of years I have had the same calendar, and my whole life is in those books. Without it, I would never make it to any appointments and could not organize my life even to the small extent that I have managed to do so lately. As the new year is drawing closer, I have been looking all over the place, have gone to pretty much every Barnes & Noble store on the island of Manhattan, and could not find the particular calendar I wanted, so finally I ordered it from Amazon.
I am craving more order in my life now. Maybe it's because I am getting older or just realizing that I am so much more efficient when things are in order. A while ago I organized my stuff in lab: put everything away in nicely ordered folders, labeled everything so now it's easy to find data from experiments I had done months ago. I cleaned my desk too, and overall, I have been feeling better about work because of the order. Those who know me well know that I am not the tidiest person and certainly not a clean-freak. There is a certain level of clean and order that I absolutely need though. Part of that is writing down everything I do in the little black book both to keep track of what I need to do and to remember what I had done.
As I started leafing through the pages of my new calendar and writing down things I already knew I had to do, I realized that January was just around the corner and how busy I was going to be. Last weekend I went to an all-day fencing seminar and took the written test to become a rated referee. Having passed the exam, the person in charge hooked me up with the East Coast college fencing league coordinator, who organizes all the competitions around here. Immediately, I was booked for 5 different tournaments along the East Coast, and with some other competitions I had already agreed to referee at, I managed to sign up for every single weekend in January and February for fencing meets. I think I should feel stressed about how I am going to have time for all this next to lab and school, but I am actually excited about going to all these competitions.
Is this strange? Am I a masochist deep down? Standing up for sometimes 8-10 hours a day, having to focus for that long, getting yelled at from all directions, people always looking for things to criticize about you... all of these are parts of being a referee. Why am I looking forward to doing this to myself? I have been fighting against this feeling ever since I stopped competing more than 3 years ago. I have been refereeing ever since, mostly in high schools in the NYC area and at college meets back at Northwestern, but never very seriously and most importantly, never admitting that I enjoyed it. However, when I went to Chicago a few weeks ago, I decided that it was time to stop fighting this feeling that has become very obvious to me by now. I miss fencing, I miss being around fencers, I miss being at competitions. When I walk into the gym in the morning of a competition, I have the feeling of belonging and familiarity, no matter where in the world I am. There is this thing called fencing that links me with all the other people in the world who do it. Of course, it also helps to be going back to the same places time after time and be recognized by people; it gives me a certain sense of importance and authority that I like.
It feels good to have stopped fighting against the pull of the fencing world, although I am a bit afraid of being sucked back and trapped in it once again like I felt I was 4 or so years ago. Hopefully I am older now and more mature and have enough experience and other responsibilities and hobbies that I will be able to keep a healthy balance in my life.
I am craving more order in my life now. Maybe it's because I am getting older or just realizing that I am so much more efficient when things are in order. A while ago I organized my stuff in lab: put everything away in nicely ordered folders, labeled everything so now it's easy to find data from experiments I had done months ago. I cleaned my desk too, and overall, I have been feeling better about work because of the order. Those who know me well know that I am not the tidiest person and certainly not a clean-freak. There is a certain level of clean and order that I absolutely need though. Part of that is writing down everything I do in the little black book both to keep track of what I need to do and to remember what I had done.
As I started leafing through the pages of my new calendar and writing down things I already knew I had to do, I realized that January was just around the corner and how busy I was going to be. Last weekend I went to an all-day fencing seminar and took the written test to become a rated referee. Having passed the exam, the person in charge hooked me up with the East Coast college fencing league coordinator, who organizes all the competitions around here. Immediately, I was booked for 5 different tournaments along the East Coast, and with some other competitions I had already agreed to referee at, I managed to sign up for every single weekend in January and February for fencing meets. I think I should feel stressed about how I am going to have time for all this next to lab and school, but I am actually excited about going to all these competitions.
Is this strange? Am I a masochist deep down? Standing up for sometimes 8-10 hours a day, having to focus for that long, getting yelled at from all directions, people always looking for things to criticize about you... all of these are parts of being a referee. Why am I looking forward to doing this to myself? I have been fighting against this feeling ever since I stopped competing more than 3 years ago. I have been refereeing ever since, mostly in high schools in the NYC area and at college meets back at Northwestern, but never very seriously and most importantly, never admitting that I enjoyed it. However, when I went to Chicago a few weeks ago, I decided that it was time to stop fighting this feeling that has become very obvious to me by now. I miss fencing, I miss being around fencers, I miss being at competitions. When I walk into the gym in the morning of a competition, I have the feeling of belonging and familiarity, no matter where in the world I am. There is this thing called fencing that links me with all the other people in the world who do it. Of course, it also helps to be going back to the same places time after time and be recognized by people; it gives me a certain sense of importance and authority that I like.
It feels good to have stopped fighting against the pull of the fencing world, although I am a bit afraid of being sucked back and trapped in it once again like I felt I was 4 or so years ago. Hopefully I am older now and more mature and have enough experience and other responsibilities and hobbies that I will be able to keep a healthy balance in my life.
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