Learning

I was talking to a friend from grad school over the weekend who is now a postdoc. She said she couldn't imagine going back to school and having to study again. I tried to argue that what she was doing in a new lab - learning new techniques and such - wasn't so different. I think we all learn tons and tons of new things every day of our lives, even if we don't realize it. But I do have to admit, she was right in that med school is different. What she was talking about was not the learning, but the studying. The need to remember, memorize, regurgitate. The thing is, I love learning things - but who likes taking exams? And yet, to take exams means you have to memorize. And preferably remember, at least for a few hours, while you are taking the test. Or in the case of doctors, preferably for good. Right?

I just took an exam yesterday, in pulmonology. Less than two weeks ago, I took an exam in cardiology. In a another two weeks, we will have another exam in lung pathology. Then anatomy. Then nephrology. Then god knows what... and this will never end. Literally, will. never. end.

Some days, it feels like I am being run over by a truck. Or, it's more like there is a person - the professor who happens to be lecturing - throwing heavy objects at me at a very fast pace; I am expected to catch all of them, stuff them in my head as quickly as I can, and then remove from from my head just as quickly to make room for things a different person will throw at me next week. It's like myriads of information is flying in through one ear while just as much is flying out through the other. Continuously.

A few weeks ago, I was feeling really overwhelmed by cardiology. It was our first real "medical" unit. We were actually learning about real diseases, what they looked like under the microscope, how to diagnose them and how to treat them. For the final, we had to learn to read EKG's, heart sounds and murmurs and also hundreds (or so it seemed) of heart disease medications. I thought it would be impossible. I spent lots of hours in the library making index cards, giant tables, taking hundreds of pages of notes and eventually, it all somehow went in my head. And it was kind of fun (except for the endless hours in the library while others were enjoying life out there somewhere). It was so interesting. Then I took the exam. It went great. And then I was done. I was tired. I just wanted to see some friends. See a movie. Have a drink.

But medical school is like a train going at 120 miles an hour, never slowing down. So the next morning - actually, the same afternoon - we started the next unit. I figured that after what I had just accomplished, it would be a piece of cake. So I ignored school for a while. I went to class, but then I did other things: I went to see a movie, I met friends for dinner, I got drunk, I went to New Haven to visit a friend, I refereed some fencing. And then there was already another exam looming in the near future. Again I felt like there was just too much to learn. And I did not even find pulmonology interesting: it's basically Physics. Pressures, volumes, tubes, resistances, lots of equations and calculations. But there was I again over the weekend, locking myself in the library (well, for some of the weekend) and on Monday morning, I took another exam and it went well once again.

And today, the train kept moving. Every time, I promise myself that I will do a better job keeping up with the pace and the material, but sometimes, one just needs a bit of a break. I have no idea what I would do if this went on for any longer than 4 years. It seems impossible enough to get through that many! And now I don't even remember what my point was...

The greatest country in the world?

Yesterday, while trying to study, I had the live feed from the presidential inaguration on in the background. I really liked Obama's speech; I thought it was courageous; I loved how talked about equality and education and gay rights, about the opportunities for people who have dreams. It made me think about the last time he was inagurated 4 years ago. I was still a grad student at the time, and we didn't have a day off then. I was working in the lab at HSS and we got an email that morning from the hospital administration, letting us know that they would be showing the event live in one of the large conference rooms in the hospital. By the time I got there, there was standing room only; there were so many people there; black and white, doctors, nurses and janitors. People cried (including myself), people cheered, people applauded. It remember feeling proud living in a country where this was happening. Since that day, I have been very fortunate in so many ways. Perhaps most importantly, I now have a green card. (I do have to mention that one of the issues Obama pointed to in his speech yesterday had to do with skilled immigrants, which is only a little ironic given that I won my green card in a lottery after having spent 10 years in the US and in a PhD program.) In a few years, I will be proud to become a citizen, even though I admit that this country could and should be so much more successful, such a better place to live, it has such great potential, which it has not reached yet. Like Obama said "While these truths may be self-evident, they have never been self-executed." But more than anything, what's so amazing is that I've been given all of these amazing opportunities, which allowed me to live out my dreams to their fullest potentials. More than anytime before now, 4 years after I cried in that conference room at HSS, I am exactly where I want to be, I am doing exactly what I want to do, now, if only someone could reduce my student loans, pretty please!!!! 

Here is a clip I love, from an HBO show called Newsroom. It's a bit lengthy, but it's worth to watch. America could easily be the greatest country in the world.

2012

Another year has come to an end. I spent some time today looking through pictures from the last 365 days. Some things I saw there seemed like they happened years ago, while some seem just like yesterday. Made me think of all the people I know, all the places I visited, things that I did this year. So very rich. A chapter has ended, and another has begun. In more than one way. 

Some things to contemplate for 2013: more patience, less facebook, more running,  less complaining, and focus on the things that matter more, not on the small things.

Now I am off to run the usual midnight race in Central Park. Here are some of the pictures that made me nostalgic, happy or sad about this past year:

 

Anti-constitution demonstration in Budapest during the early days of 2012 - Hungary shall be a republic.

 

 Sasha, who reminds me of that whole crazy living arrangement I had for the first half of the year.

 So many interviews: my trip to Stanford and the Bay area in February was amazing! Even though I didn't get accepted there, it was the best school I got interviewed at and I loved just being there.

 

 The first nice days of spring in Central Park, with Kata.

 In Washington, DC for the Cherry Blossom 10M race in April with Rachel and David. Rachel and I will be running it again in 2013!!

Bohemian beer garden in Astoria!

 Leah and Rob's wedding cake, by Janice, of course - a lot of close friends got married this year.

 Rob with the Northwestern fencing girls at his wedding

Sipping martinis with Kelsey and Lauren at Rob's wedding - NU fencing reunion

 Urszula and Alex got hitched too, at City Hall

 Becky and John's wedding 

 Saying good-bye to the 4th floor of HSS in June

 Back home again in June, with Szidi at Lake Balaton for some sailing

 My precious little niece with my Mom in Budapest

 At the Sting concert, just like when we were 17!

With my brother near Hamburg

With Berit in Hamburg

 Hamburg - at the Elbe

 London with Dani - running in the rain

Dubrovnik with my cousins from all over the world

 In London again, this time, for the Olympics

An almost perfect day in London

 Prague with Jana and the little ones

With my parents in Budapest, photo by Yen

 The summer of 2012 was arguable one of the best of my life so far. So many people, places, happenings. Budapest, Hamburg, London, Prague, Dubrovnik, all amazing! I was incredibly sad to leave.

 New life about to start: getting to know my new med school classmates

 My roommate and I at our White Coat ceremony in August. A huge adventure about to begin.

 Halloween, some med students, some friends...

 Hurricane Sandy in October. We were out biking around the city the next morning. At the time, we had no idea how much damage it had done. The post-hurricane days were kind of fun for us, but we can still feel the after-effects. Things at NYU are just now going back to normal.

 For a few days, I was living like a refugee - not a bad lifestyle when your host makes guacamole for dinner - with Emese in Astoria

 

 Election day - Paul is very excited to vote in Murray Hill

Brooklyn Night Bazaar - perhaps a new holiday tradition

At the Columbus statue art exhibit - it's literally a living room with Columbus in the middle of it

Aditya turned 30 and is about to cut a sailboat cake, by Janice of course

To run or not to run

I've been dying to write for the past week or so but we have been having internet issues once again (yes, still hurricane Sandy after-effects) but I am so happy that I can once again access my blog this morning!

Someone was just asking me about my blog and what was its theme. I said it started out mostly about running, back when I first got into long-distance "racing" and marathons. But honestly, I cannot remember the last time I had a running-themes post... which is sad. I thought then, maybe I should change the title. The more I thought about it though, the stronger I felt that no matter what, no matter how little time I have, how other things in life take priority, running is still and will always be a part of it. I still run. Not very much, not too often, but I am a runner. There are days when I just need to go out there and run off some anxiety, anger, or just because I want to run. Simple.

My heart wasn't all the way in the marathon this year. I had registered back in the spring, since the deadline is so early, I figured I would do it just in case. Then the summer came and went by without training. The fall arrived and med school started and I found myself increasingly short of time and always stressed to find more for things that seemed more important. Then my foot started hurting and I was convinced I had another stress fracture. Even after that had been ruled out, I wasn't feeling it. It was already too late for the November marathon to get into full race shape, so I quit, I canceled. First time I ever canceled a race. Of course, at the time I had no idea the race would be canceled anyhow in the aftermath of Sandy. It didn't matter to me anymore.

But here I am, in the middle of the winter now, and I am still running. Most weeks, just once or twice, sometimes on treadmill. But I can feel that I need it, I want it. It clears my mind, releases stress, anxiety, whatever it is that I feel building up inside.

I recently read an interview with my favorite New York Times columnist, Nicholas Kristof, about running. I love this bit at the end:

I'm curious about one last thing. For me, running became something that allowed me to take action, that somehow instilled in me a sense of courage and ability to act. You are someone who very much takes action in your reporting and advocacy. I'm curious whether running informs or reinforces your ability to muster the courage to be a voice against injustice?I think that running helps me step away from details and sort out larger ethical issues and what I should do about that. It gives me perspective about what's important and what I can do about it. In that sense, I think it helps galvanize me to try to make a difference.
It offers clarity. It offers clarity about priorities. So often, my day is all about details. This lets me step back and soar above it all and see what is truly important.

So true! Could not have put it any better myself.

For example, today, I was out and about in the city all day. I decided to walk all the way to the Upper West Side, which must be about 3-4 miles from my apartment. It was one of those incredibly clear and crisp winter days, which I love so much. But the walk across midtown during the holidays is s stressful affair. The crowds were just horrible. I even stopped at the MOMA thinking I could take a peak at The Scream and Starry Night while I have time (it's free for NYU students to go to most NYC museums, so it's worth a trip even just to look at one favorite painting) but the lines and the crowds were too overwhelming. I saw the paintings through an army of tourists taking pictures with their cell phones and practically ran out of the museum!

It's already dark outside and I can't muster the courage to go out in the cold, so I am just gonna head down to the treadmill and watch some silly TV. A run is a run anyhow. Maybe tomorrow in the snow :)

New Yorkers are friendly

A couple of weeks ago, a good friend was visiting from London. He had lived in New York for a few years before moving across the pond and he still harbors feelings for the big apple. We were sitting in a small diner on the Upper East Side (the quintessential NYC experience) and witnessed a man arguing for 15 minutes about a $2 difference in the price of an item on the menu that was posted outside of the restaurant and the updated menu that was actually being used inside. He clearly did not have a problem paying the $2. He said so himself: it was about the principle. If a restaurant is going to post a menu outside, they should charge costumers the amount that menu shows. I tend to agree with him, but would never make a fuss about it. However, New Yorkers are principled people. Even if they owe a large condo on the Upper East Side, they might argue over $2 at a diner. Not only that, but New Yorkers also love to argue. During the time we sat in the diner, another costumer - a young man dressed in a very fancy suit, especially considering the midday hours of a Saturday - starting arguing with the man about the fuss he was making. New Yorkers value their meals and their personal space - they do not want to be bothered while eating out. New Yorkers are principled people.

Witnessing all of this, my friend promised me that no matter what, New Yorkers were so much nicer and friendlier than Londoners. The Brits tend to be colder, more closed off, which I don't disagree with.  Living in Europe, especially in the eastern parts, it also becomes obvious that New Yorkers are not unfriendly at all. It's only compared to the rest of the US that the unfriendliness of New Yorkers holds true. After spending a few days in the Kansas City area, I was nearly surprised when a lady yelled at me at Trader Joe's yesterday for not moving up the line, cutting the person in front of me while she quickly left her cart for a second to grab an item off a shelf. I even - how could I be so silly?! - tried to explain to the angry lady behind me that the girl in front of me just went to the aisle next to us to grab something and she would be right back. In return, her and about 4 more people cut me and the girl in front of me off. I always tell myself in those situations that in the end, I will probably live longer without all that anger built up inside me. And really, on a Sunday evening, where was I in such a hurry to get to? Besides, you never know whether those extra 65 seconds I stood in line for might have saved my life from a falling crane. Right? You just never know!

Ok, so, back to why I am still arguing for New Yorkers being a generally friendly bunch. Last weekend, a friend and I went to see a movie. It was a Sunday evening on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. As we walked in to the theater, a rather large man walked in with us. We were all scouting the theater for good seats. As my friend and I were sitting down, we head the man ask a guy who was sitting by himself just one seat from the aisle if he could sit next to him. I think it's generally understood, that if you sit alone, one seat off the aisle, that you probably don't want anyone taking that seat unless there are no more seats left in the theater. There were plenty of other seats. The guy who had been sitting down kinda grunted at the other man, obviously disapproving. In response, our hero started explaining to him how he was there by himself and thought it might be nice for the two of them to sit next to each other and watch the movie together. A novel idea in New York. The guy did not seem very much into the idea but he wasn't going to get into an argument over that seat, so the two man ended up sitting next to each other. Then I got distracted talking to my friend for a while. Maybe 10 minutes later I got up to go to the bathroom, and to my surprise, the two men were in deep conversation. When I came back from the bathroom a few minutes later, they were talking and laughing and were obviously having a good old time. I would have thought they were the oldest of friends who had obviously come to watch a movie together. Here is the thing about New Yorkers: they are principled, they value their personal space and their precious time; but overall, they are a friendly bunch. If you give them a chance, they will talk to you and they will be nice and some of them might even become your friends. It is absolutely untrue that New Yorkers are unfriendly and I still cannot think of a better place to live than right here.

Back in my old neighborhood

It's funny how life plays tricks on us sometimes. Here I am, for the third time in the past week, studying at the Cornell medical library. This is where I first studied for Immunology exams during first year of graduate school; this is where I spent time writing my qualifying exam during second year; this is where I often studied for the MCATs just a few years ago; this is where I came to do Organic Chemistry problem sets the summer before I applied to medical school. Then I thought I had gotten away for good. I was all set to move to the Bronx, pretty far away (well, everything is relative, right?). A last minute decision kept me on the East side of Manhattan, just 40 blocks south of Cornell. Then a freakish hurricane flooded my school and practically destroyed its library. I am so sad about that. I love libraries. All the books, the smell, people studying, reading, relaxing; maybe I am weird, but I like just spending time in libraries.

After the storm, all of the three other med schools in Manhattan opened their libraries to poor displaced NYU students. So I have been riding my bike or taking the train up here every once in a while. So many familiar faces, nostalgic memories. So many times before, I used to look at the medical students in this library with a certain amount of envy. Now I am here once again, now one of them (well, almost). Ok, now on to learn all the pathogenic worms that live in people, eeeew!

Hurricane lifestyle

I have been dying to write something for a few days now, but the recovery has been a little bumpy here, to say the least. While I have power, heat and water again, our internet service has been very strange. It mostly works, but somehow, certain websites would not load, including our school email sometimes, and blogger. So here I am in the lobby of the wonderful Ace Hotel, with its free WiFi and the best coffee in town!

Last week was arguably the strangest in my life so far. After 2 and a half months of non-stop work and studying and trying to catch up with the rat-race that is medical school, I suddenly had nothing to do for 5 whole days. Without going into too much detail about the storm - you've all seen on TV I am sure - it was windy and loud, but from my 4th floor bedroom, where I spent most of last Monday, it was not that scary. Especially considering that for the worst of the storm I was not alone (I have to say it's a great idea to start dating someone right before a hurricane hits). At one point, there was a really bright flash and then darkness. No internet, no lights, power out. We looked out the window: neighboring buildings all dark. Shit. Where are the candles? I had bought many last year before Irene, but where are they??? Somewhere in a box probably. Not at all prepared this time around... thankfully, I am a little bit of a candle person so there are always some decorative candles in my room. It was very useful. I had enough cell phone reception to snap a picture and post on Facebook. I didn't think at the time, but several people have told me that was a great idea since for the next 24 hours or so, we had very limited communication with the outside world. A few minutes later my phone lost all service.

For a couple of more hours, the boy's phone was still working, but we could not really figure out what was going on in the outside world. What was that flash? What were the screams coming from the street? Was there some dramatic rescue going on? Why were people walking across 1st Ave in the midst of the storm in the middle of the night? He was getting emergency text messages both from NYU and NYC telling us to stay inside. Of course, we had no idea that there was in fact a dramatic rescue of patients going on from NYU Medical Center at the time. Some of our fellow students were going over to the hospital to help with the evacuations - part of me wishes that we had gone, but then again, some people went and were turned away because there was already chaos at the hospital. We decided that getting killed by a falling tree would not benefit neither us nor the patients at NYU. And that was likely wise as this was seen on our street a couple of days later:

Being cut off from the world is a strange feeling. At the time, we had no idea about the extent of the devastation NYU would suffer; the fact that we would not have access to our school email or any online materials for several days, or that all three hospitals would eventually be evacuated and shut down for many weeks to come; or that our medical school was so badly damaged that we no longer have a library, a student lounge, any lecture halls, study spaces or printers. We considered watching a movie on the remaining power of my laptop, but instead, spent hours freaking out about not having any connection. It wasn't so long ago that we were completely fine without constant internet connection, cell phones, social media and other means of communication. It's a strange feeling, to say the least. It took us a little while to come to terms with it and figure out that there were plenty of other things to do, like talking, and other more fun things :)

For about 3 hours, I was actually really excited about the candles and the darkness, and brushing teeth in the dark and eating all the ice cream before it melted. But as soon as our water shut down, I realized this was not exciting at all. I don't think we slept much that night. It was loud, we were too excited, too preoccupied. The next morning, the realization hit us that we were free. Also, that we didn't have water.   No cell phone service either. At certain spots in the lobby, I could receive text messages. There was an amazing outpouring of support from my friends! I got many text messages asking if I was all right and offering places to stay in case our power was out. I was so touched. I still am. To have the best friends in the whole wide world. I literally had at least a handful of options for where to stay for the next few nights.

But our first thought was - yup, we are nuts! - to get on our bikes (yup, it was still raining) and head downtown to see what had happened. I did something similar after Irene last year with Daniel, but that was in August and at that time, the storm had completely passed by then. Not so much this year. We rode in the rain and wind. However, we were in a crowd! There were many people out running, exploring, walking dogs, all kinds of crazy things New Yorkers do the morning after a major hurricane hit the city. I tried to take a similar picture - it doesn't look all that different from last year's day-after-the-hurricane shot. But it was SO different!

Sine we had no power or water in our apartment building on Tuesday morning, I had no coffee (not a good way to start my day) and I was beginning to give up on getting any coffee below 26th St. And then, I saw a couple walking by, holding paper cups. "Where did you get those??" There was one building in Battery Park City that had power (don't ask me how) and they happened to have a deli on the first floor. Imagine all the grumpy New Yorkers who couldn't make their morning coffees in their apartments, or go to the Starbucks down the block. They were all in that one deli! I was determined though. 20 minutes later I had a cup of coffee! Life never stops in NYC!

We even found a bar in Chinatown that must have had its own generator because they were open for business - although with candles, but that might have been just for the heck of it.
But in general, the destruction was obvious around the city. Overturned trees everywhere, no traffic lights, anarchy on the roads - awesome for bikers!

When we made it down to the Southernmost point of Manhattan and stopped to take some pictures, we ran into this guy standing by a small building housing public bathrooms. He was standing near a random outlet hanging off a railing as you can see, charging his phone. We presumed that some TV crew must have left the cable there - where the power was coming from, who knows, but we plugged out phones in and I even managed to call home and send a couple of emails.

From there, we headed uptown towards civilization - we had heard that above 39th St., there was electricity! Kelsey had offered her apartment for whatever we needed, so we rode up to 85th St to charge our phones and find some food. On a Tuesday afternoon, the Upper East Side looked like on a Friday night: all pubs full, every restaurant with over an 1 hour wait! People had nothing to do, so they were out eating and drinking. We walked around for nearly an hour trying to find wings - we gave up after the 5th bar and settled for Mexican. And some beer. Later on, we found the same scene on the Upper West Side. It was as if nothing had happened and people just had a day off. The contrast was extremely stark.

At that point, we didn't even know about the condition of NYU. Later in the evening, at the boy's friend's apartment on UWS, we finally checked the news. We found a video on CBS news reporting on the evacuation of the NYU Medical Center and they showed some shots of our very own lecture hall being under 12 feet of water! The reporter called it a "swimming pool". That was when we started wondering what would happen to our school!

Like I mentioned before, last week was the most surreal! We ended up having the whole week off, with very little communication coming from the school. We just assumed that there wouldn't be classes since we had no lecture hall. Now, it is clear that we don't have much of a school at all: just today, we took an exam in a room without any heat, and with no working bathrooms - that is real good motivation to finish an exam very quickly! - and all that I could see remaining from the library was boxes stacked upon each other - no books on the shelves, non computers where there used to me many.

For the rest of last week, I got to catch up with some good friends in Astoria, who took me and one of my classmates, who had nowhere to go, in. We made guacamole, baked brownies and watched girly romantic movies. It wasn't so bad being a refugee. :)

Now, it's back to reality: post-hurricane lifestyle. It has't been much fun. Before Sandy, I finally got into a good routine of classes, studying, figuring out how much time I had for other things, like running, friends etc. This week, it felt like everything has been turned completely upside down. Our deans were scrambling to figure out where and how to make up for the lost week in the curriculum - it's not so trivial as medical school goes just so fast! So we had an extreme number of lectures this week, either in a very uncomfortable small auditorium at an off-site hospital or in one of the surviving lecture halls at the medical center which had no heat, no bathrooms, and smelled like mice!  

Yes, a few words about the devastation of the research departments. I cannot even imagine what those poor people are going through. 7500 mice drowned in the storm! The building lost power almost 2 weeks ago, and much of it is still not restored. Backup generators failed. No power means no freezers. No freezers means dead samples. DNA, RNA, proteins, reagents, tissue samples all gone bad within a very short amount of time. Still today, I saw many people walking up and down 1st Ave with boxes, buckets, carrying valuable samples over to other buildings, other institutions. Other universities in the area sent dry ice to keep freezers cold for a little longer. The outpour of support has been quite amazing. Cornell, Columbia and Mount Sinai opened their libraries to us. Many researchers around the country have offered to replenish the lost mouse colonies. It's still going to be much time and valuable resources lost, but at least there is hope for recovery. Still, I understand all too well the value of these resources and just thinking about what these scientists must have been going through over these past two weeks makes me want to cry. 

Today, walking through the dark and cold hallways of the Medical Science Building was a sobering experience. All the labs were dark and empty; a few postdocs all bundled up in coats, scarves and hats carrying boxes, some sitting in a barely lit conference room with their computers. All because of a hurricane we were so very unprepared for! Very humbling to think about the power of nature, and the vulnerability of our civilization. We are just tiny specks of dust on this planet. We should be more careful how we treat Her.