10 years

I was not going to turn on the TV today at all. Then I was curious and wanted to watch the US Open Women's final, which turned out to be a pretty exciting match, never without controversy when Serena Williams is playing. Then, the TV just stayed on while I made dinner and did laundry and soon all that was on was 9/11 stuff. I try to avoid watching the reading of the names that happens every year at the anniversary; it had made me hysterical on many occasions before. Tonight, they had a special: a documentary that accidentally recorded what happened that day. Two French filmmakers were making a documentary about a rookie firefighter becoming a man - that's what they called it in the beginning. In the end, they found themselves in the midst of the "action". One of them went into the South Tower with a group of firefighters who were first to respond to the attack. So I watched this, of course very emotional, the film was mostly about the firefighters, the 343 who died that day and the many who have been getting sick and dying since. My roommate and I sat there, sobbing, taking turns hugging the doggie for comfort.

It made me think about 10 years ago. In our parents' generation everyone remembers where he/she was when JFK was shot. In my generation we all remember where we were then the WTC was attacked. I was 18. Taking the summer off between high school and college. Back home in Budapest. Only because Northwestern started the school year so late, in September. I was scheduled to fly to Chicago on 9/13 for new student orientation. That afternoon - 6 hours ahead of NYC - I was at my old fencing club, MTK. Getting ready to start my collegiate fencing career at NU I spent some time that summer training. At one point, my friend Bobe - who also ended up coming to NY to fence in college just a few years later - came in and said that something had happened in New York. A plane, the World Trade Center, I am not sure how much we knew at that point. I think I called home and my Mom came to pick me up at the club. Then I remember being in our living room, watching it all unfold on TV. I also remember my Mom saying that I didn't have to go to college in the US. Of course, we both knew I would. The rest is a blur. Phone calls, emails to relatives and friends in New York, hugs, crying. Going to the airport two days later to find all flights to the US cancelled. Another week of summer vacation. I flew out a week later, missing new student week, arriving on the day classes started. The world was a different place though. We all knew it: it would never be the same.

That winter break, I went to stay with relatives in New York. I went to see Ground Zero then, just 3 months after the attacks. It was a gaping hole. Today, I often ride my bike by the rising tower at 1 World Trade Center. It looks like it's going to be a beautiful building. As a New Yorker now, it's different to watch the footage from that day. Those are the streets I walk every day, the people I live around, the firefighters and policemen who protect my city. Since that day, we know just how vulnerable we are, and I am sure it's not just in the back of my mind when I get on the subway or go to the financial district. But ultimately, we go on, undeterred, because we are New Yorkers and we absolutely cannot let them win, we cannot let the fear they try to instill in us take hold. We remember and we go on and try to be the best we can be. That's all we can do.