Kindness

This is how I know - from the gut - that I want to be a doctor: when I am having a rough day, stressed or sad, going to the hospital to volunteer makes me feel so much better. Yesterday I went half an hour early hoping for a busy ER. Oh it was! And no other volunteers around; those are my favorite days at the ER. As a volunteer. The nurses hate them! Understandable. When I am there, it's almost like I've stepped out of my own life and into something bigger, more important. My own worries often fall away, if only for those 2-3 hours. One can also learn so much about people there.

When anyone has to go to the ER, it's obviously a tough day for them, for their friends and families. It either brings the worst or the best out of people. Some step up and will do anything to help a friend and some just don't. A young girl with model looks accompanied by her much older boyfriend and another model-looking girl. They were incredibly bitchy. Not an odd occurrence, but they took it to a whole other level. "I want that morphine right now, tell the nurse!" "Why aren't the doctors ready to see me right now??" Before I took her to get a test on a different floor, she asked her friend to go feed and walk her dog that was home alone. She must have suspected that the friend might not want to do it because she added that she'd give her money for a cab. The friend tried to make all kinds of excuses, how tired she was, had to work both that day and the next (rough life), finally my patient just told her to cut the crap and tell her so she can ask someone else if she needs to. So the friend just simply said "No, I won't do it." I don't know why but I was truly shocked. Even in a much less stressful and difficult situation, friends should be able to rely on friends for at least walking and feeding their dogs. Nonetheless, both the friend and the boyfriend walked with us. We then had to wait a few minutes for a doctor and the friend said goodbye there. She gave our patient a kiss on the cheek and said she loved her. The emptiest "I love you" I have ever heard. It really pisses me off when people use that beautiful sentiment like this. It happens quite a bit in this country as I have discovered, but this was the worst I have seen. There was no answer, which said more than a million words could. She turned to me and said something along the lines of "you can't rely on people can you?". All I could say was that I was sorry.

Leaving the hospital later in the evening, I ran into my favorite person there. He is a janitor of sorts. He is a very large black man, must be way over 2 meters, has these long arms and very large hands. He also has the biggest heart and the sweetest smile. We see each other in the hallways all the time and he always stops to chat, so sweet I always feel bad when I don't have much to say to him. Once, I was in a rush, maybe grumpy and instead of stopping to say hi, I just nodded or something. Later that day, he came to me and asked if I was mad at him. It was funny because we didn't know each other at all. I didn't even know his name. I apologized for being rude, and he just seemed so relieved that all was good between us. So last night as I walked out of the hospital, he was just arriving. He said he hadn't seen me around and how nice it was to run into me. And then he opened his long arms and embraced me. It was not one of those half hugs. A real big bear-like embrace. Such warmth and kindness. I wondered where all that can come from, if some people just have all this kindness and love to give while others have to try so hard, if they are even willing to. I would like to be more like him.