Generation Y

Last night I went to a dinner party with my closest grad school friends. The four of us have all graduated now and we're all in the process (or already beyond it) of moving on and figuring out the next steps in our lives and careers. It's an exciting time for all of and also as a transition it's full of anxieties. All of us are successful and doing pretty much what we want to be doing (at least for the time being): start a career in academia, move to the pharmaceutical industry, healthcare consulting, and me with applying to med school. I think it's not an overstatement to say that we are all incredibly privileged. We have all attended educational institutions many people can only dream of, we live comfortably in one of the greatest cities in the world, and in general, we are doing what we chose to do, being intellectually challenged and working in a very exciting industry. And yet, most of us are unsatisfied in some way or another. I am switching careers almost completely, my friend at big pharma is thinking of going to law school and my consultant friend who makes the most money of us all wants to open a restaurant.

In our parents' generation and before that, this would have been almost unimaginable. In some ways, it still is in many parts of the world. People used to decide on a certain career, go to school some, then work for pretty much their whole lives at one place or at least in one industry. Were they always satisfied. I am sure not. Would it have been possible for them to change? In some cases, I am sure. But that wasn't the culture of that generation. For a lot of people, today still, work is work. It's something they do from 9am to 5pm to make ends meet, to support a family or a lifestyle of their choice. It's just work.

But us, Generation Y as some call it, we were taught that we shouldn't settle. We should have big dreams because we can do anything! Anything we ever want! We can become anything, make lots of money, travel and live anywhere in the world. The sky's the limit. I am beginning to think that this attitude is the root of all our problems. Of course, it's a great attitude, but it has to be interpreted with a grain of salt. First of all, not everybody can do anything. That's just silly. We all have limits set by our genetics, upbringing, environment. I am not saying that we shouldn't try; but we have to be realistic. Don't get me wrong. I am the perfect example of someone who went for her dreams, made it halfway around the world, made it through 10+ years of higher education when not that long ago, women weren't even allowed to study, let alone get higher degrees. I was taught to reach high, dream big, and I did. But what concerns me now is this: will our generation ever be satisfied?

Of course, our different personalities have a whole lot to do with this issue as well. As scientists, we like to be in control, we are high-strung, competitive, ambitious, type A personalities. We want to contribute and achieve. We set really high expectations for ourselves, which often are not in line with others' expectation I think. While we seem successful in others' eyes, we might think otherwise, we feel like failures if we can't get that paper into Nature or get that competitive fellowship we applied for. I sometimes worry about our sanity.

Besides career choices, this "I can do anything" attitude might also have something to do with how we relate to each other as human beings. We want to be independent - don't need to rely on anybody else for success - we definitely don't want to settle - I think our definition of settling has become really skewed though. In my recent experiences (ok, let's be honest, I am talking about romantic experiences) some, if not most people are looking for something or someone almost unreachable, unrealistic. I recently met someone with whom you might say "we hit things off". While I cannot see inside another person's head, in most instances I think it's safe to assume that you can't fake that. We all know what it's like when there is no chemistry between two people. Most of us also recognize when there is and especially if both parties act in a similar fashion, I tend to assume that that is in fact the case. Fast forward 10 days. 10 days of multiple dates, phone calls, long conversations, many kisses and hugs, and suddenly, questions arise, such as "we don't have enough in common, or do we have too much in common?" (which one is it then?), "I am afraid of things getting too serious too fast but why don't I feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with you?" (??). Is it realistic to assume that you would know after 10 days of knowing someone that you would want to spend the rest of your life with them? Most people want to feel that love at first sight kind of certainty about another person, like we have seen in fairy tales and Hollywood, but is that really possible in most cases? What happened to getting to know people? Why are we in such a rush? Is it because every time the possibility even arises, we immediately think that we are settling? I have to admit this: during those 10 days, I was in no pink haze. I wasn't falling in love. I wasn't in any way certain that I would want to be with this person, let alone spending... what is it? the rest of my life? with him?? We were just going on dates. Doing things together because we both enjoyed riding bikes, going to movies, the zoo, eating and drinking wine. I think I am adult enough to know that that's a good place to start. For most people I have met recently, it's not. I guess I am the weird one. Are there any other weirdos out there????