I am sitting on the floor in a corner of my room - only place where internet is working at the moment - and can't find the right words.
So here are some, borrowed from AB (http://myblueskydays.blogspot.com/), because I don't do poems but they often really express feelings better than prose! This one is so romantic:
In your arms I feel happy,
In your arms I feel free,
In your arms I'm all woman,
In your arms I am me,
Soft embrace, your heart is beating,
I feel your breath upon my cheek,
In your arms I am stronger,
But in your arms, I feel weak.
Your body's heat, it draws me closer,
Our body's meld, to yours mine pours,
Though in your arms, I'm separate,
In your arms I'm all yours.
...
Enough now. As my yoga teacher says after every class, I wrap the feeling of peace - but I think it could be any feeling - in a pink bubble and place it in my heart, and as I go about my day, I think of that bubble and that feeling whenever I am weak or sad.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Restless
Ever since returning from my latest trip, I haven't been able to sit still. I can't stand being at home, I constantly need to be doing something, and yet, I can't seem to be able to get anything done. I couldn't get myself to unpack or to put away laundry from last week, my apartment is a complete mess. I don't even have the patience to make a simple meal, I just go out to eat. I am restless. Even in lab, I can't seem to concentrate on a single task for long enough to complete it. So I have just been procrastinating, spending way too much time on the internet and listening to music, almost constantly, and almost all melancholic songs.
I am trying to figure out what's going on. I am distracted and restless. I feel that if I stop moving, I will just not be able to get up again. The end of January was in a way a point of closure for some things. For one, it seems like a part of my grad school career has come to an end. Together with my mentor we have decided that it'd be a good idea to wrap up the project I have been working on for the past year and a half - and has not been working at all in the past 6 months - and try to publish it in the form of a smaller paper (by small, he means that it'd be in a journal he doesn't consider very high impact, but I still think it'd be great). He actually thought about my project quite a bit it seems - mostly while I was away in Miami and not responding to his emails, oops - and now I have a list of things I need to do before we can really say that it's done and actually start the writing process. I oddly look forward to writing. Although it's a very different kind of writing, in some way, writing this blog has made me realize how much I enjoy doing it and how easily it actually comes to me.
Then of course, now that I have the marathon behind me, my motivation to do any sort of physical activity has significantly decreased. It's cold outside, I hate the treadmill, I don't wanna walk to the pool, the gym is depressing. The only thing I still look forward to is yoga. I need to set new goals. A half marathon in May maybe, or getting more serious about fencing again? I need to make a commitment either way, which is the most difficult part of the process.
I am done with traveling for a little while now, which I am both sad and happy about. I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed but with this restlessness, I am also anxious about staying put in NYC for too long. My trip to Hungary is soon enough, but I am already thinking: where to go next? Is this normal? I should be happy to stay home for a while. Am I home though? This has always been such a struggle for me. Where is home? Where my family is, but I haven't lived there in over 8 years. I feel more at home in NY than I have ever felt any other place since I moved to the US. But lately, I haven't been feeling really at home, my apartment is no longer a place I feel I can go back to at the end of a long day to relax and let go. I think I need some change.
I am trying to figure out what's going on. I am distracted and restless. I feel that if I stop moving, I will just not be able to get up again. The end of January was in a way a point of closure for some things. For one, it seems like a part of my grad school career has come to an end. Together with my mentor we have decided that it'd be a good idea to wrap up the project I have been working on for the past year and a half - and has not been working at all in the past 6 months - and try to publish it in the form of a smaller paper (by small, he means that it'd be in a journal he doesn't consider very high impact, but I still think it'd be great). He actually thought about my project quite a bit it seems - mostly while I was away in Miami and not responding to his emails, oops - and now I have a list of things I need to do before we can really say that it's done and actually start the writing process. I oddly look forward to writing. Although it's a very different kind of writing, in some way, writing this blog has made me realize how much I enjoy doing it and how easily it actually comes to me.
Then of course, now that I have the marathon behind me, my motivation to do any sort of physical activity has significantly decreased. It's cold outside, I hate the treadmill, I don't wanna walk to the pool, the gym is depressing. The only thing I still look forward to is yoga. I need to set new goals. A half marathon in May maybe, or getting more serious about fencing again? I need to make a commitment either way, which is the most difficult part of the process.
I am done with traveling for a little while now, which I am both sad and happy about. I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed but with this restlessness, I am also anxious about staying put in NYC for too long. My trip to Hungary is soon enough, but I am already thinking: where to go next? Is this normal? I should be happy to stay home for a while. Am I home though? This has always been such a struggle for me. Where is home? Where my family is, but I haven't lived there in over 8 years. I feel more at home in NY than I have ever felt any other place since I moved to the US. But lately, I haven't been feeling really at home, my apartment is no longer a place I feel I can go back to at the end of a long day to relax and let go. I think I need some change.
Monday, February 2, 2009
The real accomplishment
So cool:
I might have inspired Mary to get a nose piercing: she said she loved the way mine looked so much and she'd been thinking about getting one for years. Do it!!
And, even more exciting, my friend Urszula started running again after reading my post last week about the marathon. Yayy, keep on running!
I might have inspired Mary to get a nose piercing: she said she loved the way mine looked so much and she'd been thinking about getting one for years. Do it!!
And, even more exciting, my friend Urszula started running again after reading my post last week about the marathon. Yayy, keep on running!
Where does the good go?
The past couple of weeks have been nothing less than surreal. I would even go as far as calling it dream-like. Being in the dead of winter in NYC one day, walking on warm sand by the ocean the next; then completing the marathon; sipping cocktails in a beach cafe; returning to a snowstorm in New York only to be home for less than 48 hours, then taking off again for another cold weekend in Chicago to referee yet another "marathon" fencing tournament. I am finally home, sleeping in my own bed for a while (for 2 weeks that is). I am happy to be here and stay put.
I continue to feel amazing, I am sure as a consequence of the marathon. I can't really explain it, but the feeling of invincibility hasn't passed yet, even after a week has gone by. I still feel incredibly confident and like there is nothing in the world I cannot do. I walk down the street smiling for no reason, and believe me, that's not the usual me! I was sad yesterday, very tired and teary, leaving something special behind, but even in being sad, now I feel positive and happy in a very strange way that I don't yet understand. Did my body make enough endorphins during the marathon to last for more than a week? Did it somehow change my perspective on things? I am trying to just rejoice in this feeling and let it guide me for a while but I also want to understand it.
The weekend in Chicago was good, mixed, as always is with fencing tournaments. Even more than usual, I felt like I was in an alternate reality/parallel universe (the matrix? :), maybe I have been reading too much Murakami lately ("The wind-up bird chronicle" took me no less than 2 months to read and whenever I read something I like for a long time, I get so affected by it and start "living in the story" in a way). When we go to these tournaments - as referees, or as fencers, although the latter, I can hardly remember anymore - we leave our regular lives behind almost completely. I forget about school and research and spend time with many of the same people I have been seeing at these events for the past 8 or so years, and even more for some whom I have known since the time I was fencing in Hungary.
This morning, back to this reality. I woke up to a beautiful warm and sunny day in NY, went for a run (my first since the marathon, it was short but felt great, legs a bit tired still, but NOT in pain). I was listening to random songs on my iPod and this came on from Tegan and Sara - they are Canadian twins with great voices and really thoughtful lyrics I think. The song is called "Where does the good go?" and it was just nice to hear it this morning.
Where do you go with your broken heart in tow
What do you do with the left over you
and how do you know when to let go
where does the good go
where does the good go
look me in the eye and tell me you dont find me attractive
look me in the heart and tell me you wont go
look me in the eye and promise no love is like our love
look me in the heart and unbreak broken it wont happen
its love that leaves and breaks
the seal of always thinking you would be
real happy and healthy strong and calm
where does the good go
where does the good go
I continue to feel amazing, I am sure as a consequence of the marathon. I can't really explain it, but the feeling of invincibility hasn't passed yet, even after a week has gone by. I still feel incredibly confident and like there is nothing in the world I cannot do. I walk down the street smiling for no reason, and believe me, that's not the usual me! I was sad yesterday, very tired and teary, leaving something special behind, but even in being sad, now I feel positive and happy in a very strange way that I don't yet understand. Did my body make enough endorphins during the marathon to last for more than a week? Did it somehow change my perspective on things? I am trying to just rejoice in this feeling and let it guide me for a while but I also want to understand it.
The weekend in Chicago was good, mixed, as always is with fencing tournaments. Even more than usual, I felt like I was in an alternate reality/parallel universe (the matrix? :), maybe I have been reading too much Murakami lately ("The wind-up bird chronicle" took me no less than 2 months to read and whenever I read something I like for a long time, I get so affected by it and start "living in the story" in a way). When we go to these tournaments - as referees, or as fencers, although the latter, I can hardly remember anymore - we leave our regular lives behind almost completely. I forget about school and research and spend time with many of the same people I have been seeing at these events for the past 8 or so years, and even more for some whom I have known since the time I was fencing in Hungary.
This morning, back to this reality. I woke up to a beautiful warm and sunny day in NY, went for a run (my first since the marathon, it was short but felt great, legs a bit tired still, but NOT in pain). I was listening to random songs on my iPod and this came on from Tegan and Sara - they are Canadian twins with great voices and really thoughtful lyrics I think. The song is called "Where does the good go?" and it was just nice to hear it this morning.
Where do you go with your broken heart in tow
What do you do with the left over you
and how do you know when to let go
where does the good go
where does the good go
look me in the eye and tell me you dont find me attractive
look me in the heart and tell me you wont go
look me in the eye and promise no love is like our love
look me in the heart and unbreak broken it wont happen
its love that leaves and breaks
the seal of always thinking you would be
real happy and healthy strong and calm
where does the good go
where does the good go
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I did it!!!!!
I am back in NYC after a wonderful trip, both in terms of running and in terms of relaxing and having a fantastic time with some great people. Most importantly, I finished the marathon! I am relieved, happy, I feel lighter and more confident. I still have some trouble walking down the stairs (considering today is day 3 post race, I think I am doing pretty well) but overall, I feel amazing, strong, and ready for more.
The days leading up to the race were pretty relaxed, I was finally not stressing about injuries, the possibility of getting sick and so on. The day before we flew out I went to my acupuncturist for a last treatment: I think it was more for my peace of mind rather than for the actual injury. In any case, I left for Florida without any pain in my shins, so I was pretty confident in terms of finishing. Everything went smoothly with the travels - not so obvious in the winter around NY - and the place where we stayed was absolutely beautiful, near the ocean, surrounded by palm trees. The weather was perfect, sunny but breezy. Rachel wanted to go for a run on Saturday morning, so I also put my running shoes on and went out for a walk with occasional jogging in the sand and on the boardwalk by the ocean: AMAZING!! I love being near the ocean: the sounds and the smells and the feel of the fine sand, they create this special sense of peace inside me.
To get back to the point: we visited the marathon expo on Saturday afternoon to pick up registration packets and then Rachel and I went to the pre-race pasta party that was held at the Hard Rock Cafe in downtown Miami, near where the race was going to start from the next morning. We met a really nice couple from St. Louis during the dinner and the veteran marathoner husband gave me some good advice regarding the race and mostly some stuff about what I should do after the race to ease the soreness. It was also good to see the city at night and to get a glimpse of where everything will start and end the next day (the start and finish were basically at the same spot, only separated by a few hundred meters).
I was a little nervous about getting to the race in the morning since they were closing a lot of the streets around the start area, but of course, everything worked out fine. To be super safe, we called a cab to pick us up at 4 am at the hotel (yes, I am overly paranoid, but at the end, I think it was good for us to be awake for a couple of hours before the start of the race) and we were at the site by 4:30, but not the first ones to arrive. Of course it was still dark outside, which gave the whole experience a sort of mystical feeling. Rachel forced me to eat some bagels and a bit of an energy bar, again, I am very thankful to her for that as I had no problems in terms of my energy level during the run. Finally the time was approaching, I was getting a little nervous, having to go to the bathroom way too many times, but at last I made it to my corral and found the pacers I wanted to start running with.
I decided to start with the 4:45 group (meaning that they would finish in 4 hours 45 minutes) which is about a 10:50 minute/mile pace. I figured this would be somewhat slower than my comfortable pace and so would be a good place to start. About 10 minutes after the start gun was fired, we finally crossed the start line. As I crossed, I saw Rachel waving and taking pictures on the side, and gave her a thumbs up. I was absolutely elated, more awake than I had ever been before at 6 am, and just felt strong and ready to do anything. The first few miles we ran across a bridge to cross over to Miami beach. The sun was just rising on the horizon and there were many cruise ships "parked" on the side of the bridge in the harbor, all their lights turned on, it was a beautiful sight! I was running right next to the pacers for these first few miles, then had to take a pit stop and then I got somewhat panicked that I wouldn't be able to pace myself very well if I couldn't catch up with the group again. It took me until mile 6 to catch up to them and so I started to feel relaxed and I settled in to their pace for a while.
There were a lot of people on the streets near the beach, some just cheering, some putting on a show: the one I clearly remember was a transvestite or someone who looked a lot like a man in very slutty women's clothing doing a pole dance at a lamp post. Quite entertaining. There was also a guy in his pajamas complaining about all the noise so early in the morning: I guess there will always be self-absorbed idiots who just can't take a look at the world from other people's perspective. After about mile 8, I started feeling like I was running too slow. I left the pace group, still running at a very comfortable pace, still feeling great. Between miles 10 and 13, there were tons of people cheering, bands playing live music, actual cheerleaders dancing, all kinds of entertainment, which was really fun.
Most people in the race were actually running a half-marathon, which started together with the marathon and ran the same route until the very end where the road split in two. I knew that Rachel would be standing somewhere near the split point and I saw her from far away. I was really excited to see her, gave her a hug, I clearly remember wanting to tell her something but when I actually got there, no words came out of my mouth. She ran alongside to take a picture and then I was off. It was a difficult spot to see the half-marathoners run off in the opposite direction: also, some 12,000 people were running the half, while only about 3,000 did the full marathon. The crowd also got a lot sparser after the split, which I was not expecting.
For the next few miles I was doing pretty well, but I kept thinking about the magical number 18 (the most miles I had run before the marathon) and this surely created a mental wall right at the 18 mile checkpoint. Sure enough, I started feeling worse after that and by mile 20, I really hit the wall, mentally and physically. At that marker, I walked for the first time (other than to get water): I timed 1 minute and then started running again till the next mile marker or water station, whichever came first. Then I saw Rachel again at mile 22, she must have been able to tell that I wasn't doing too great because she had some encouraging words to say, which helped a lot. It's crazy how little things can push you through a low point: at some point near 16 miles I saw a guy in a Northwestern sweatshirt and he said my name (it was written on my bib) to cheer me on and I got really excited (even though I have no school spirit usually) and yelled back "Go Northwestern!" to which he seemed to get real excited. This little encounter made me quite emotional actually: it made me feel connected to people in a very special way, even though I had no idea who these people cheering for me were.
The real low point came between miles 22 and 25. We had to run out on to a bridge at Key Biscayne and there were no trees or any shade on there. It was already near 11 by the time I made it there, so the sun was pretty strong and it was getting hot. I had to walk several time during those 2 or 3 miles. The only thing that helped was sort of joining these 2 guys who were running at about the same pace as I was. I found that it was helpful to just alongside someone, even if I had no idea who they were and we never talked. Their presence there made a big difference. After a while I stopped to get water and they didn't and I lost them. Around that time I saw someone holding a sign that said "It's all a state of mind, forget about the body." I was trying to repeat this mantra along with the one I read in Murakami's "What I talk about when I talk about running" which goes something like this: "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." and I found that it really helped to try to focus on something like these short sentences and really try not to dwell on the pain, which by then was pretty bad in my upper legs.
Then something very interesting happened. The 4:45 pace group leader, with 3 or 4 people with her, caught up with me. This was right before the 40 km sign, so with nearly 1.5 miles left. As she was passing me, without making a conscious decision about it, I just went with her. This doesn't sound so amazing except that by this point I was barely moving. Her near 11 minute/mile pace seemed like a sprint to me. Somehow I managed to pull out that last bit of strength that was hidden somewhere deep inside me, something I didn't even realize until I pushed through to grab it. She was still running what looked like comfortably, and she was pushing people with her encouraging words, but I wasn't even listening to her (I had my iPod play "Eye of the Tiger" on repeat) but simply her presence there next to me gave me strength to continue. Then right before the finish, there was a ramp up a bridge. CRAZY! I still can't believe I made it up there, but after that the downhill seemed like a someone was pulling me down and I gathered up some final strength to leave the pacer behind once more. Right then I saw another friend of mine who had run the half marathon, and he said something like "Just one more turn, and you're at the finish", which was like music to my ears, and there was Rachel with her camera right before the finish, and I somehow forced a smile on my face and actually ran across the finish line. Yes, ran, not walked, or crawled, but RAN!! With a final time of 4:41:39.
At this point was my mind was a blank so it's difficult to recall exactly what I was feeling. I think that at first it was just intense relief that I didn't have to keep on running. Then I think I was about to cry, but no tears would come and then I was handed a medal and ushered to the side and found myself sitting on the curb for a few seconds, gathering enough strength to make it to the bagel tent. I was absolutely not hungry (the whole time during the run I was eating: energy gels, jelly beans, things that people passed to the runners from the side of the road) but then I saw the bagels and cream cheese and I felt ravenous all of a sudden and squeezed a whole package of delicious cream cheese on a huge bagel and inhaled it in a few seconds. I had no idea one could eat so fast after just having run a marathon! I found our little group under a handsome palm tree and just collapsed. Sitting down felt so amazing. So did taking my shoes off. Oh my, the blisters! That is something very unpleasant and I guess almost inevitable about long distance running (I have tried so many different socks and so far nothing has really worked). Even after putting sandals on I could barely walk.
On the way to catch a cab back to the hotel, a woman who passed us commented that "it'll just get worse": I am assuming she was talking about the pain. I am not sure why someone has to make a comment like that. In any case, I didn't care, I was so happy! Following the advice of the man we had met the night before while eating pasta, I took an ice bath for about 10 minutes once we got back to the hotel. I just emptied a couple of bags of ice into some cold water in the bathtub and sat in it waist deep: it was really not pleasant at first, but after a few minutes I stopped feeling my legs, which was a much welcomed feeling. I think this ice bath can be thanked for the fact that I am walking so well just 3 days after the race. Then it was lunch time: a cheeseburger and french fries never tasted so good! After wobbling to the nearby beach I lay down and took the nicest nap ever. After waking up, I took this picture with my coach/manager/dietician/cheerleader/friend Rachel. She looks fresh and ready to celebrate, while I look half-dead.
Wow, just recounting the events of that day now is making me feel excited all over again. After all this worrying and the injuries and thinking that I would not be able to do it, I had done it! I finished my first marathon. I hate to brag about things, but I am proud. I feel like I have really achieved something. And, most importantly, I want to do it again, and want to do it better and faster the next time, I am hooked!
For the next two days in Miami, we did absolutely nothing. We did, however, take many more pictures:
Enjoy!
The days leading up to the race were pretty relaxed, I was finally not stressing about injuries, the possibility of getting sick and so on. The day before we flew out I went to my acupuncturist for a last treatment: I think it was more for my peace of mind rather than for the actual injury. In any case, I left for Florida without any pain in my shins, so I was pretty confident in terms of finishing. Everything went smoothly with the travels - not so obvious in the winter around NY - and the place where we stayed was absolutely beautiful, near the ocean, surrounded by palm trees. The weather was perfect, sunny but breezy. Rachel wanted to go for a run on Saturday morning, so I also put my running shoes on and went out for a walk with occasional jogging in the sand and on the boardwalk by the ocean: AMAZING!! I love being near the ocean: the sounds and the smells and the feel of the fine sand, they create this special sense of peace inside me.
To get back to the point: we visited the marathon expo on Saturday afternoon to pick up registration packets and then Rachel and I went to the pre-race pasta party that was held at the Hard Rock Cafe in downtown Miami, near where the race was going to start from the next morning. We met a really nice couple from St. Louis during the dinner and the veteran marathoner husband gave me some good advice regarding the race and mostly some stuff about what I should do after the race to ease the soreness. It was also good to see the city at night and to get a glimpse of where everything will start and end the next day (the start and finish were basically at the same spot, only separated by a few hundred meters).
I was a little nervous about getting to the race in the morning since they were closing a lot of the streets around the start area, but of course, everything worked out fine. To be super safe, we called a cab to pick us up at 4 am at the hotel (yes, I am overly paranoid, but at the end, I think it was good for us to be awake for a couple of hours before the start of the race) and we were at the site by 4:30, but not the first ones to arrive. Of course it was still dark outside, which gave the whole experience a sort of mystical feeling. Rachel forced me to eat some bagels and a bit of an energy bar, again, I am very thankful to her for that as I had no problems in terms of my energy level during the run. Finally the time was approaching, I was getting a little nervous, having to go to the bathroom way too many times, but at last I made it to my corral and found the pacers I wanted to start running with.
I decided to start with the 4:45 group (meaning that they would finish in 4 hours 45 minutes) which is about a 10:50 minute/mile pace. I figured this would be somewhat slower than my comfortable pace and so would be a good place to start. About 10 minutes after the start gun was fired, we finally crossed the start line. As I crossed, I saw Rachel waving and taking pictures on the side, and gave her a thumbs up. I was absolutely elated, more awake than I had ever been before at 6 am, and just felt strong and ready to do anything. The first few miles we ran across a bridge to cross over to Miami beach. The sun was just rising on the horizon and there were many cruise ships "parked" on the side of the bridge in the harbor, all their lights turned on, it was a beautiful sight! I was running right next to the pacers for these first few miles, then had to take a pit stop and then I got somewhat panicked that I wouldn't be able to pace myself very well if I couldn't catch up with the group again. It took me until mile 6 to catch up to them and so I started to feel relaxed and I settled in to their pace for a while.
There were a lot of people on the streets near the beach, some just cheering, some putting on a show: the one I clearly remember was a transvestite or someone who looked a lot like a man in very slutty women's clothing doing a pole dance at a lamp post. Quite entertaining. There was also a guy in his pajamas complaining about all the noise so early in the morning: I guess there will always be self-absorbed idiots who just can't take a look at the world from other people's perspective. After about mile 8, I started feeling like I was running too slow. I left the pace group, still running at a very comfortable pace, still feeling great. Between miles 10 and 13, there were tons of people cheering, bands playing live music, actual cheerleaders dancing, all kinds of entertainment, which was really fun.
Most people in the race were actually running a half-marathon, which started together with the marathon and ran the same route until the very end where the road split in two. I knew that Rachel would be standing somewhere near the split point and I saw her from far away. I was really excited to see her, gave her a hug, I clearly remember wanting to tell her something but when I actually got there, no words came out of my mouth. She ran alongside to take a picture and then I was off. It was a difficult spot to see the half-marathoners run off in the opposite direction: also, some 12,000 people were running the half, while only about 3,000 did the full marathon. The crowd also got a lot sparser after the split, which I was not expecting.
For the next few miles I was doing pretty well, but I kept thinking about the magical number 18 (the most miles I had run before the marathon) and this surely created a mental wall right at the 18 mile checkpoint. Sure enough, I started feeling worse after that and by mile 20, I really hit the wall, mentally and physically. At that marker, I walked for the first time (other than to get water): I timed 1 minute and then started running again till the next mile marker or water station, whichever came first. Then I saw Rachel again at mile 22, she must have been able to tell that I wasn't doing too great because she had some encouraging words to say, which helped a lot. It's crazy how little things can push you through a low point: at some point near 16 miles I saw a guy in a Northwestern sweatshirt and he said my name (it was written on my bib) to cheer me on and I got really excited (even though I have no school spirit usually) and yelled back "Go Northwestern!" to which he seemed to get real excited. This little encounter made me quite emotional actually: it made me feel connected to people in a very special way, even though I had no idea who these people cheering for me were.
The real low point came between miles 22 and 25. We had to run out on to a bridge at Key Biscayne and there were no trees or any shade on there. It was already near 11 by the time I made it there, so the sun was pretty strong and it was getting hot. I had to walk several time during those 2 or 3 miles. The only thing that helped was sort of joining these 2 guys who were running at about the same pace as I was. I found that it was helpful to just alongside someone, even if I had no idea who they were and we never talked. Their presence there made a big difference. After a while I stopped to get water and they didn't and I lost them. Around that time I saw someone holding a sign that said "It's all a state of mind, forget about the body." I was trying to repeat this mantra along with the one I read in Murakami's "What I talk about when I talk about running" which goes something like this: "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." and I found that it really helped to try to focus on something like these short sentences and really try not to dwell on the pain, which by then was pretty bad in my upper legs.
Then something very interesting happened. The 4:45 pace group leader, with 3 or 4 people with her, caught up with me. This was right before the 40 km sign, so with nearly 1.5 miles left. As she was passing me, without making a conscious decision about it, I just went with her. This doesn't sound so amazing except that by this point I was barely moving. Her near 11 minute/mile pace seemed like a sprint to me. Somehow I managed to pull out that last bit of strength that was hidden somewhere deep inside me, something I didn't even realize until I pushed through to grab it. She was still running what looked like comfortably, and she was pushing people with her encouraging words, but I wasn't even listening to her (I had my iPod play "Eye of the Tiger" on repeat) but simply her presence there next to me gave me strength to continue. Then right before the finish, there was a ramp up a bridge. CRAZY! I still can't believe I made it up there, but after that the downhill seemed like a someone was pulling me down and I gathered up some final strength to leave the pacer behind once more. Right then I saw another friend of mine who had run the half marathon, and he said something like "Just one more turn, and you're at the finish", which was like music to my ears, and there was Rachel with her camera right before the finish, and I somehow forced a smile on my face and actually ran across the finish line. Yes, ran, not walked, or crawled, but RAN!! With a final time of 4:41:39.
At this point was my mind was a blank so it's difficult to recall exactly what I was feeling. I think that at first it was just intense relief that I didn't have to keep on running. Then I think I was about to cry, but no tears would come and then I was handed a medal and ushered to the side and found myself sitting on the curb for a few seconds, gathering enough strength to make it to the bagel tent. I was absolutely not hungry (the whole time during the run I was eating: energy gels, jelly beans, things that people passed to the runners from the side of the road) but then I saw the bagels and cream cheese and I felt ravenous all of a sudden and squeezed a whole package of delicious cream cheese on a huge bagel and inhaled it in a few seconds. I had no idea one could eat so fast after just having run a marathon! I found our little group under a handsome palm tree and just collapsed. Sitting down felt so amazing. So did taking my shoes off. Oh my, the blisters! That is something very unpleasant and I guess almost inevitable about long distance running (I have tried so many different socks and so far nothing has really worked). Even after putting sandals on I could barely walk.
On the way to catch a cab back to the hotel, a woman who passed us commented that "it'll just get worse": I am assuming she was talking about the pain. I am not sure why someone has to make a comment like that. In any case, I didn't care, I was so happy! Following the advice of the man we had met the night before while eating pasta, I took an ice bath for about 10 minutes once we got back to the hotel. I just emptied a couple of bags of ice into some cold water in the bathtub and sat in it waist deep: it was really not pleasant at first, but after a few minutes I stopped feeling my legs, which was a much welcomed feeling. I think this ice bath can be thanked for the fact that I am walking so well just 3 days after the race. Then it was lunch time: a cheeseburger and french fries never tasted so good! After wobbling to the nearby beach I lay down and took the nicest nap ever. After waking up, I took this picture with my coach/manager/dietician/cheerleader/friend Rachel. She looks fresh and ready to celebrate, while I look half-dead.
Wow, just recounting the events of that day now is making me feel excited all over again. After all this worrying and the injuries and thinking that I would not be able to do it, I had done it! I finished my first marathon. I hate to brag about things, but I am proud. I feel like I have really achieved something. And, most importantly, I want to do it again, and want to do it better and faster the next time, I am hooked!
For the next two days in Miami, we did absolutely nothing. We did, however, take many more pictures:
 |
| Miami |
Enjoy!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Obama mania
Finally came out of hibernation last night. The past two weeks had been one continuous stretch of unpleasant weather and lots of work. Most days I was either in the lab, in the gym, or in my warm apartment. As little time as possible spent outside. Where is global warming when we need it?? No joke though, I don't remember it ever being this cold for this long since I moved to the East Coast.
But, on to more exciting things. Now that I am done with my lab meeting presentation - which went really well, as a consequence of which I feel much better about work and I can go away without worrying the whole time about where my life was going - I could take some time off today to run some errands and took a long walk in the process. Along the way, I saw some interesting or pretty things. These two display windows are at an athletic clothing store in my neighborhood, there were several people taking pictures of it while I was admiring it. Gotta love NYC!!
Then I walked across Central Park and came across this truck with huge pictures of his face on it with some inspirational quotes.
The park is so nice when it's covered with snow, especially on bright sunny days like yesterday was, with the midtown skyline as a backdrop to it. Wonderful sight.
The Obama mania is getting a bit out of control. It's going to be impossible for him to live up to these ridiculous expectations. I hope he can at least live up to some of it. In any case, it's good to see that people are actually excited about a politician and I am sure that the craze will soon die down, even in NYC.
With that, I am off. Heading out to the airport pretty soon. The race is on Sunday, wish me luck! I don't plan on checking email, I want it to be a real vacation and to get away from technology as much as I can. As soon as I can I will write about it.
Thanks for reading and all your support!
But, on to more exciting things. Now that I am done with my lab meeting presentation - which went really well, as a consequence of which I feel much better about work and I can go away without worrying the whole time about where my life was going - I could take some time off today to run some errands and took a long walk in the process. Along the way, I saw some interesting or pretty things. These two display windows are at an athletic clothing store in my neighborhood, there were several people taking pictures of it while I was admiring it. Gotta love NYC!!
Then I walked across Central Park and came across this truck with huge pictures of his face on it with some inspirational quotes.
The park is so nice when it's covered with snow, especially on bright sunny days like yesterday was, with the midtown skyline as a backdrop to it. Wonderful sight.
The Obama mania is getting a bit out of control. It's going to be impossible for him to live up to these ridiculous expectations. I hope he can at least live up to some of it. In any case, it's good to see that people are actually excited about a politician and I am sure that the craze will soon die down, even in NYC.
With that, I am off. Heading out to the airport pretty soon. The race is on Sunday, wish me luck! I don't plan on checking email, I want it to be a real vacation and to get away from technology as much as I can. As soon as I can I will write about it.
Thanks for reading and all your support!
Dancing with a champion
Amazing fencing champion Valentina Vezzali on the Italian version of Dancing with the Stars... pretty cool!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)