Give and take

Some people just love to give and please. It has just suddenly dawned on me that I might be one of those people too. I love giving presents more then receiving them; I love throwing parties and feeding 12 people even if they barely fit into my apartment, even if buying all the food makes me go broke for a few weeks; I have the hardest time saying no to anything that people ask me for, including "Could I stay at your apartment for a month?" or "Could you referee another fencing meet this weekend?". A funny and slightly embarrassing story comes to mind too: a few years ago I was seeing a guy, there wasn't anything serious between us, but I liked him, and when he happened to be in Budapest on his birthday - without me - I insisted that he must have lunch with my parents so he would feel at home and that my Mom baked him a birthday cake. I imagine the whole situation was rather awkward; of course, my parents being my parents were awesome and welcomed him with much love and a huge chocolate cake, but what was I really thinking? Well, I think that it gave me intense pleasure to think that I was "taking care" of him and making him feel good, even if it was more awkward than anything in the end.

I was talking to a friend about something along these lines and he said that giving this way is really just a form of selfishness. We please others and it makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside. Well, selfish or not, it benefits everyone at the end. Besides, I am starting to think that other than the way mothers love their children, there is no real selflessness in this world. Almost everything people do is for a reason that will benefit them, but if it also benefits others, then it's not so bad after all.

Part of the pleasure is in feeling important, like others need me, it makes life a little more meaningful. After all, all we can do to make a mark in this life is to try to touch others; not everyone gets the chance to save numerous lives or to discover the cure for some deadly disease to benefit all of humanity. But I think that it's just as good to make a difference in a few people's lives, the ones we really care about, and I do believe that no matter what our reasons are for doing that - selfish or not - just by being there are caring means so much.

With all that said, I am going to make a resolution. I am done giving to people who just take and take and never give back. When I say giving, I mean giving something of myself, not something material or helping someone. For those kinds of giving, there is no need for any return. And by giving back I don't mean something material either, or something of equal value, but I mean giving back by caring, for whatever reason - selfish or not - but caring. I am fairly certain that pleasers don't go well with takers, and I am afraid that after too much giving to self-absorbed, insensitive people, I will just stop trying and I don't want to.