For Marianna and Erin

I was going to write about my run this evening. I tried something a little different, to change things up and to motivate myself in these cold and dark days, I went on a small group run at the local running store. Maybe I will write about it sometime in the future as I think I'll be back, I really liked the people and it was challenging in a good way.

When I got home from the run, I was reading a new entry on one of the runner's blogs I follow, the one of Kristin Armstrong's. She is the ex-wife of Lance Armstrong, and also an avid runner, who has done multiple marathons and even some ultra-races, like 50 km ones. Besides this, she also has a wonderful way with words. I guess that's why she has her own column at Runner's World magazine, Mile Markers . This week, she wrote about a woman named Erin Lahr, who has passed away while running in the White Rock Marathon in Dallas, TX last weekend. She was 29 and an experienced runner. She was also on pace to qualify for Boston. The autopsy showed no heart abnormalities, which is usually the cause of sudden death during strenuous athletic activity. This story made me think of someone I used to know years ago, and I wanted to write a little about this memory.

It was almost 9 years ago now, we were traveling to a fencing competition in Bratislava. It was always the same people going to these tournaments; Hungary is a small country, and the fencing community is even a smaller one. We all knew each other pretty well, even people from different cities and clubs. Marianna was my age, she came to our club once a week to fence and we always saw each other at competitions. That particular day, she was fencing one of my good friends and clubmate. Entirely unrelated to the fencing, all of a sudden, she collapsed. I was watching from the side with several other friends and our coach. He though that it was some tactical thing and that she wanted to take a break. It didn't make any sense though since she was only a point or two away from winning the bout.

We could tell something was very wrong, but we were too young to understand the whole situation, I think. Eventually, everyone was sent out of the gym and the tournament was suspended. We saw her coach performing CPR on her - there was no doctor at the venue (very Eastern European), although we later found out that it wouldn't have made a difference. She had a congenital blood vessel defect and suffered a rupture in her aorta. I am pretty sure the same thing happened to the actor, John Ritter, a few years ago. It's something that's not easily picked up on routine tests: as athletes, we got yearly physicals, including EKGs. The most heart wrenching thing about it was the fact that her sister - also a good fencer - and their Dad were at the tournament. I remember him literally tearing his hair out while walking up and down the gym, wailing.

I know it's easier to handle situations like these if you believe that there is some sort of higher plan or power and that there is a reason for things like these happening.I don't believe in that though. I think it's biology, genetics, horrible luck, whichever you chose. It's incredibly unfair and it could happen to anyone. Not just genetic dispositions to diseases; any day, anyone could get into an accident and die. Part of why life is so exciting is that we realize that it could end any moment. It's not something we should think about all the time - it would probably drive anyone insane - but I think we should keep the thought in the back of our minds and appreciate every piece of joy and misery: they both mean that we are alive and we are feeling. I know that I don't appreciate the little things enough and that I take many things for granted, all too often. Maybe we can all try a little harder to live in the moment, to appreciate and care about others now, and to stop and evaluate things every once in a while. And to keep those who are no longer with us in our memories and our hearts. For Marianna and Erin. Carpe Diem!