Invisible strings

I am beginning to think that it wasn't such a bad decision to stay in NYC for the holidays. It is a little lonelier than usual, but so far I have had a wonderful time: the weather is spring-like, I am catching up on some work (not so wonderful to be in lab, but I did take 4 entire days off, which is a record for the past few months!), on reading (finishing The Master and Margarita, another book club choice that didn't get picked, sadly, because I am absolutely loving it), catching up with some friends. I even went to fence for the first time since the early summer - as a consequence, I can hardly walk or hold a pen today, but it felt great, other than realizing once again how much worse I had gotten since the time I was still competing.

It was probably not the smartest idea to start with fencing the new star of American fencing as my first bout back after 6 months. This girl has won all national and most international events in juniors for some time now, and she is only 16 and is on a whole different level of fencing (than myself and most other people at the club too) so after that first bout I almost gave up and went home. But then things got a little better and I ended up having a lot of fun and seems to have worked out a deal with the new manager of the club in terms of going to fence every once in a while without having to pay 100s of dollars in membership fees.

Once again, I can feel the invisible strings of fencing pulling me back into it. After months of not picking up a foil, I start having a sort of craving or anxiety that only goes away once I get to the gym, suit up and start fencing. It doesn't matter whether I win or lose, even whether I can score any touches, it's just a part of my life I cannot let go - yet, at least - and maybe I shouldn't.
I found this old picture from years ago, back when I could lunge this deep; I am the one with my back to the camera.