Love your Lab day

Unless you've been living in a cave or a deserted island for the past couple of weeks, it's been hard to miss the rather overwhelming number of pink window fronts, heart-shaped chocolates and all things Valentine EVERYWHERE. I feel pretty neutral and bleh about the day in general: my most vivid memory of it is from junior year of high school, when I got an anonymous letter from a not so secret admirer in my high school class, which resulted in me and my friends - around 16 at the time - subjecting the poor guy to some pretty childish and hurtful ridicule. To this day, I am not proud of it, but the weirdest thing is that he still holds a grudge, which he makes very clear to me every time we see each other at a reunion.

This time last year, I was making resolutions: I knew I had some emotional issues to work on and I wasn't sure how to go about doing it, but I decided to at least try. The only way I knew to do it was to shut it off for a while. I figured, that was the easiest way to avoid getting upset and hurt. I worked a lot, started running a lot, spent a lot of time with my friends, traveled to a lot of places, and all of a sudden I realized that half a year had gone by and I was really happy and sort of carefree, but something was definitely missing.

Then a friend recommended a book to me: Henry and June by Anais Nin. It's the story of a whirlwind love affair between the author and both June and Henry Miller. It's sort of an erotic and rather racy journal of a very sensual woman, who can't find what she is looking for in love and life next to just one man, or woman. It's not fair to blame a book, but in any case, it planted this idea in my head about experiencing life to the fullest rather than trying to avoid strong feelings by building a shell around ourselves.

I soon realized that adventures, especially forbidden ones, were still very exciting. What starts as an innocent adventure, can quickly and easily crack the shell one's been building with some amount of effort, if one's not careful. In the end, I am of the opinion that it is better to have loved and lost, or have experienced something great but maybe dream-like that can never be reality. Nonetheless, experiences make us grow, and I have definitely learned a lot in light of recent experiences.

For the first time in my life, I know what it feels like to be valued and accepted for who I am, what it's like to not have to pretend or put on a mask in front of someone, to be treated with affection and respect, no matter what. Even if for a few days, this was such a gift; whether dream or reality, it's something priceless. I don't know if I will ever meet anyone who will make me feel this way and to whom I will be able to give the same, but at the least, I know what it should feel like. Thank you!

At the end, the shell cracks and we feel weak and vulnerable, but pain does not have to mean suffering, life goes on as it always does, and a lot of new experiences are awaiting us along the way. And how wonderful it is that they are so mysterious and unexpected!

As for this Valentine's day, I am taking one of my best friends to a very nice restaurant - I have won a gift certificate at a grad school party raffle. She's stood by me through good and bad for the past few years and I don't know what I would do without her and my other friends! I think we're gonna hold hands tomorrow and will make a damn HOT couple!

And here is to Janice who made these amazing balls of sweetness for the whole floor in lab today!!!